Chill Baby.

This dull Sunday afternoon I will be mostly trying to relax, write a bit of The Story, do a spot of reading and guide my lions (that's my version of gird my loins for the uninitiated) for the next few busy weeks. At the end of that period I hope to be de-cluttered, un-indebted and re-homed. We can only hope and pray that this happens.
Back to today though, my good friend Mr McL has volunteered to do some research on my behalf for The Story, probably for the second in the series, I will be glad of the help so I will be ploughing on with Story 1 until I reach about 5K words which I have read is the optimum length for a short story.
So far our Hero has just been taken on as a singer in the bar where he works as a potman so he now has three jobs. This will help him save up for his journey into story 2 in which I aim to take him into Ohio though this thing has a life of it's own and is evolving rather than being planned so Ohio fans don't hold your breath.
Anyhoo I'm off to stir my curry. More later perhaps.
Just a thought I had whilst stirring my curry (not a euphemism); in case anyone was wondering and I'm sure you weren't but I'm going to tell you anyway; the reason I think it best to move to Amble is so that I'm not visiting my old haunts and having to explain over and over again to people who's lives revolve around gossip the reasons why we are selling up which frankly are none of anyone's business but mine and Mrs H's. Amble will be a fresh start, with the opportunity to visit new pubs, use local shops for bread (not to mention scones, which in case you had forgotten, I love), fruit and meat instead of relying on the big supermarkets and to live in a pleasant town (England's Friendliest Port) near to good transport links and on the beautiful Northumbrian coast which in my opinion is second to none. Also, another big plus is I'll be nearer to my Brother and sister-in-law so we can help one another in our dotage.
So I'll be off now to read the paper, write some more of The Story, read a good book and so on to make my dream of a relaxing day reality.
All together now, chill baby! TTFN.

The de-clutter goes on.

Four trips to the tip and the garage is now looking a lot less cluttered. There is a stack of boxes with stuff to store or sell, an area of stuff that is going straight into the skip once I hire it and another area of bigger stuff which is to be dealt with next week.
You would not believe how cathartic it has been today to get rid of so much junk, most of which has been in that garage for nigh on ten years and never been looked at. The mice have had a field day with a lot of it, so out it went!
Next week, the box room/office is going to be blitzed and all the papers that have been kept for no apparent reason for Lord knows how long will be burned. In the meantime the bags of clothes lying on the spare bed will be going to the charity bins outside Tesco or Asda.
It's at times like this that family comes into their own, thank God for brothers.
Onwards! My friends!

The Story

Time for an update on The Story. So far our hero Bob West, at least that's what he's called just now. It helps with the Title of the series 'West Goes West' although that may change as well. Sorry, anyway so far our hero Bob West has seen his remaining family wiped out in a mining accident and has moved to New York from Northumberland. He has found lodgings and a job and has just started a second job working in Curly McLucas' bar below his rooming-house. He's already had an altercation with the local hard man and has cemented his universal popularity by sending said hard man away with a flea in his ear.
This is as far as I've reached so far. I was wondering whether I had got him to America too soon but on reflection the series will chronicle his adventures in America so maybe getting him there early without too much faffing around in England and on a boat is no bad thing.
As Barbara my writing guru (although she doesn't know it yet) said the trip from his home town to the ship for America and the journey over the Atlantic could have been a bit of a turn off for the reader if not done well and I'm not a good enough writer yet to engage people with tales of the muddy roads of 1860's England and lots of water viewed from a ship.
Things have stalled somewhat though, Bob is currently standing in the bar wondering what to do so its thinking cap on and lets see if we can get him moving into some adventures. All ideas gratefully received.

I'm a salty sea-dog

Its decided, I'm moving to Amble in Northumberland. I've lived in the country for a long time but when I lived in Southend on Sea I was by the Thames Estuary and liked being by the water. So, it's time to cut loose from Heddon and the country life and move to the seaside. The Northumberland coast is fantastic and I recommend that everyone should visit. Wait until I've bought the new Hall Towers and you can all come to see me and take in the joys of my new abode. I might even teach the kitties to swim.
Watch this space.

Merde je suis tomber!

I have just received through the post the book of the radio series 1994, sent via my good pal Mr N I believe. I have also picked up How Not To Worry by Paul McGee and  Elmore Leonard's Complete Western Stories so I am now well set up for reading, especially if you include the e-books on Buddhism I am in the middle of. There is of course the little matter of Baudolino by Umberto Eco which you may recall has been on the go for some time now. I'm in the process of digging in and trying to finish it but man, its hard. Its one of those books that you just can't get into, still I'll keep at it and perhaps it'll grow on me.
So there you are, not too bad a day really, some fresh reading matter obtained and some beer and Sailor Jerry rum bought. A night of literature and drinking beckons. Whoop! Whoop!

Ups and downs

Depression and stress are terrible and should be recognised as genuine problems but equally ups and downs are part of life and sometimes need to be seen as such. Time for certain bloggers to realise this and try to be a little less emotional about things, stop over-analysing. Time also to deal with problems by trying to put them into perspective; it is worth remembering there are people a good deal worse off. There are millions of people out there right now who'd kill to be able to downsize and de-clutter.
Complaining about not being able to cope with the pressure of selling a few possessions is probably one of the daftest things ever uttered. The lives some people have to lead knock any such whining into a cocked hat. Worrying about where the next meal is coming from or whether you'll see the end of the day because of war or disaster, those are things to worry about, not griping about a few trips to the tip.
So it's time for certain bloggers to count their blessings.

Struggling.

I'm struggling today. I'm trying to work but I really can't get going with it. The deadline is 8 October so I better get a weaving. I'll think some more this week and spring into action from Monday. The problem is my mind is elsewhere.

I'm worrying about the whole downsizing and de-cluttering process. The house sale is a real concern, I'm fearful that I'm not going to get enough to buy a decent place. I know most potential buyers are looking for a cheap purchase, which is understandable. My fear is that I will be falling short of what I need to do what has to be done.

The pressure is just building and building from all angles, work and domestic. I need to try and take a step back to gather my mental resources but it just seems there is no chance to do that and no-one to turn to.

Part of the problem is I'm still over-analysing everything. By trying to cover every angle in my head I end up going round in circles.

Basically:

1. Sell the house for the maximum possible.

2. Pay off what needs to be paid.

3. Divide what's left.

4. Find somewhere new to live.

Simple. 

Another area of concern is the de-cluttering, it's like one of those children's puzzles where you have move the tiles to get the empty square into the top corner. Each time one item or box is moved another appears to take its place and confuse the issue.

There are 4 elements to the puzzle:

1. Stuff to be thrown out.

2. Stuff to be self-stored for evaluation later

3. Stuff to be sold

4. Stuff to go into storage for the new place.

I'm not sure where to go because step one is obscured by steps 2-4.

Not to mention the future of the poor kitties!

I give up. My brain hurts and I wish I could just walk away from the whole thing.

Sorry for the miserable rant but this is the best outlet I have. Feel free to ignore all of the above. I just needed to get it out of my system.

Back to work now.

 

New interests...

...or old ones revived. I have long had an interest in writing, ever since I discovered how much I loved books and have intended for years to write a tale or two. The current hiatus in my life has given me the ideal opportunity to revive that desire; so here I am writing some short stories and maybe even branching out into poetry. I don't know when a person becomes a 'writer' but maybe that is what I'm becoming. Perhaps you could call me an aspiring writer for now, maybe I can call myself a writer if anything I produce ever gets published. Having said that some of the training manuals I have written over the past couple of years have now been put into use at work so maybe that counts as being published. In that case I am a writer!
Buddhism is another subject that I intend to become more au fait with; the talk with my good pal Mr N the other week made me think that it's high time I looked more into it and maybe live my life by it's principles. It's early days yet and I'm just taking the first faltering steps but with time and a fair wind I hope to be able to at least say I'm trying to to do just that.
On that note, I'm off to look at The Story and see if I can add a few more words before dinner.

Cold Calling

The house has been on the market for just over a week and I've had my first cold caller today. I hate when people turn up on the doorstep wanting to be shown around. The whole point of having an agent deal with the sale is to avoid that. It's rude and thoughtless.
The idea of appointments is so that I can be ready to show the potential buyer round or so the person from the agents can do it for me, it feels now that I can't relax, waiting for the next one to roll up expecting to be let in for a look. If they are that interested let them make an appointment.
Now I know that if I want to sell I have to let people see what the place looks like, my beef is that they shouldn't just knock on the door without setting up an appointment first, as I said, it's rude and thoughtless.
I've now stuck a sign on the door asking anyone who calls to ring the agent, if they ignore the sign I will ignore them.
I wish someone would come up with an acceptable pre-auction offer so we could move on and finish with the traipsing hordes.
I think this type of thing is an indication of the basic selfishness of many people. An attitude of 'my needs are more important than your needs' seems to pervade society these days, or maybe it always has, was there ever a golden age of everyone looking after each other? I think there is a large degree of rose-tinted hindsight going on if I'm being honest.
It would be great if people considered their fellow beings a little more, the world would be a happier place. I suppose that's me being naive, I doubt things will ever change but that isn't going to stop me trying to be a better, kinder person.

New beginnings

Just a quick thought about how a couple of hours with a long standing and good friend over a few beers can help open up a whole new road to travel. The time I spent with my good pal Ian N in the State Bar in Glasgow the other week have concentrated my mind wonderfully. That good talk about anything and everything has given me a whole new perspective on life and I hope, will allow me to be happy in myself and bring happiness to others; two things I never thought possible.
So thank you Mr N (and Farne Island Bitter).

Re-starting on building my Ark

After all the rain last night I'm thinking of starting work on my Ark again. It seems every road in Northumberland and Tyne & Wear is flooded to some degree. It took me two hours to fail to get into the office today. I'm now back home, surrounded by cats and contemplating doing some work. I'm still at much the same juncture as regards what direction the whole thing should be going in as I was yesterday. Still, dig in as Fred Boycott would say.

A new approach.

Following my series of self-indulgent posts yesterday I resolved to try to move on from that mindset and improve not just my lot but that of Mrs H as well. Rather than concentrate on how all this is affecting me and my feelings I resolved to look at the whole situation through her eyes.
In order to do that I am looking to some books I downloaded onto my desktop Kindle (other e-readers are available) a while ago on Buddhism.
Last night I started reading 'Modern Buddhism:The Path of Compassion and Wisdom-Volume One Sutra' which I have found very thought provoking. I think this could be a way of helping me move on from worrying about just my happiness and concerning myself with the bigger picture. I have a feeling that this book and others on the same subject will lead me to a much better approach to life and to the lives of others. I have been very selfish over the last few years, now is the time to step out from under that particular tree and walk in the gentle rain of compassion and kindness.
It is early days of course, I have to overcome years of self-absorption and introversion which have blighted not only my life but the lives of many I have come into contact with over the years. This is merely a start, we will have to see what progress I can make in this new approach and hope that in future I can be an agent of positivity.
I also need to curb my verbosity so with that in mind, take care and TTFN.

Don't worry

Anyone reading my last few posts might think I was having a nervous breakdown. I am a little depressed by the daunting prospect of what I have to do over the next few weeks but have no fear, a little bit of good news will cheer me up no end. So, if I can hang on a bit longer, hope the weather improves and maybe get a decent offer on the house I should feel a lot better.
Per Ardua Ad Astra.

Well...

the auctioneer chap came round but wasn't much use. I don't know why I bother sometimes. I am currently feeling completely alone and abandoned. There seems to be no end to it all.
I need help and support, not just moral support, real physical support from real people actually in the same room as me. Virtual support from friends on Twitter and Facebook is great and welcome but I need someone to sit in the house with me and be here to talk to, to help me take stuff to the tip and to just be around. That person of course is in the US and probably isn't coming back, or if she does it will be too late.
In short, I need help now and I don't know how or where to get it.
Sorry to be so negative but it just seems I'm stymied at every turn.

Sick as a chip.

As we say in North East England, I'm sick as a chip.
I am heartily sick of the weather, the constant stream of people traipsing through the house, the phone calls from people ignoring the telephone preference service and trying to sell me stuff I don't want.
I wish the offer for the house I was promised on Saturday would come forth so that I can accept it and get moving. I just want to pack the whole thing in and go away to write and blog.
I feel unsupported and daunted by the whole thing. Aargh!
Rant over.

Turning inwards

I wonder if I'm turning into a recluse. Each day it seems that I am finding that I don't want to go out and meet people. When I do go out I'm generally fairly communicative with those that I meet and am able to have interesting conversations it's just that I really don't want to. I find that when I'm out I don't look forward to going home so I'd rather not go out. This may seem to be a contradiction but it is the coming into an empty house knowing it is likely to be that way for the foreseeable future that I don't like. When I'm in the house its not so bad as I keep myself occupied with writing and suchlike so that empty feeling is kept somewhat at bay. I hope it will improve when I move. My new abode won't have the negative connotations, going back over many more years than my recent travails, that the present house has.
My writing of The Story is an anchor at the moment, that and writing this blog, thinking about it the blog is probably the mainstay with The Story backing up. As I've said before writing is very cathartic and exercises my mind in much more positive ways than would be the case otherwise. It has also opened avenues that I didn't think I could go down, there is a whole community of writers who support one another in their endeavours out there which I hope one day to be more involved in. That last statement probably gives the lie to this post's title and opening line, surely I can't be turning inwards or becoming a recluse if I hope to get involved with others.
Maybe it isn't turning inwards, maybe its turning away from old attitudes and towards a new approach. Arrgh! I'm confused. Aren't mid-life crises great?
I think I might add a second string to my writing bow. I'm going to take a run at some poetry. Now I don't know much about the different forms and conventions so I'm just going to write down my ideas as blank verse, because if I know one thing about poetry, I know it doesn't have to rhyme. So, The Story will be my main project and The Poetry can join in when it feels like it.
Tell you what, the weather outside is atrocious today. Wet, cold and windy.
A thought that just struck me, Mrs H has only been away 4 days, it feels like 4 months. I wish she'd come home. I can't tell her that though, it would only annoy her and she'd be less likely to do so. She needs time and space to work through her emotions and come to a decision without pressure from me. I just hope she makes the right choice from my point of view.
Right, off to do some work so TTFN.
That didn't last long, I just can't get started on this project. The subject hasn't grabbed me yet, I can't find the right angle to approach from so I feel stymied at every turn. I need to look at the whole thing from another perspective. Trouble is I haven't yet worked out what that perspective is. Thinking cap on!
Well, I've been struggling with finding a new approach to my work project and I'm still no further forward. Whatever, I'll keep plugging away and hope to come up with a solution to the problem.
I think its time to publish this post before it gets any longer. I'll probably write another one later today. Off now to try and come up with an approach to my work writing project, wish me luck!

A question.

I'm wondering if I should change how I approach my blog. At present I write a post as soon as I can after a thought comes to mind and publish it straight away. My question is; does this approach work or should I write and publish on a weekly basis? If anyone will give me their opinion I would be grateful. Until then I'll carry on as I am.

What to do?

I'm in limbo at the moment, waiting on a possible offer on the house which may help me find a better place to live after I move out of Hall Towers. I hope and pray that this happens because I really need to maximise what I can realise from the house and land.Also I'm not sure what is going on in the relationship stakes. I haven't had any word from Mrs H since she left on Thursday, I hope she arrived safely and is OK but I have had no response to my update e-mails and I'm scared to send an SMS in case she gets annoyed. I don't want to put her on the wrong foot as I still hold out some hope of us reuniting.It is a very difficult time all round as Mrs H is also in limbo I suppose and I imagine she is still sorting her stuff out in the US and doesn't have time to worry about me. It's also likely that she doesn't have broadband access at her US apartment. Who knows? I just hope once we have sorted Hall Towers out and carried out the de-cluttering process our lives can get back on an even keel and we can move forward together. On a slightly different subject, I've ordered a book called 'How Not To Worry: The Remarkable Truth of How a Small Change Can Help You Stress Less and Enjoy Life More' by Paul McGee which I hope will help with my over-analysis issues. Once I've picked it up from Cogito Books and read it I'll let you know if it has done any good.That's enough for now, I'll be back later. I'm back. This over-analysis thing is really getting to me. I spend most of my waking hours worrying and thinking through various scenarios. For instance, today all I can focus on is how to get Mrs H to come home. I'm really concerned about her but scared to contact her in case I hear something I won't like. It gets her goat when I go on about a subject, I'm like a dog with a bone, worrying at it again and again. Worrying about things I can't change or improve is a real pain.All I want is to be able to stop worrying, sort out Hall Towers, clear the mortgage and have Mrs H home. Is that too much to ask? Maybe it is. Later.It's later and I'm still over-analysing; I'm going out later to look at the new site for my leek trench maybe that will give me something to think about other than ways to get Mrs H home, none of which will work of course because it's up to her what she does. Phew! OK, back again. I've just sent Mrs H an SMS message to say I hope she arrived safe, telling her that I've sent her updates and that I miss her. She's  responded as I write, she has a fever and a bad throat and clogged sinuses. Funny how often that happens after a long flight, I think the air on these planes is so crap that all the viruses just pass from person to person. The airlines should recycle the air better and more frequently to keep it clear of such things. Still at least she arrived safe and answered my SMS. Proof of my over-analysis and worrying in action.Apropos nothing; I had a thought earlier when I was corresponding with Barbara Henderson about my series of short stories that if I didn't have to eat and keep a roof over my head I would quit my job and write full time. I find writing cathartic and fulfilling, much more so than the day-to-day boredom of producing technical training manuals. Mind you it could be worse, I could be working in a job I really hate like I did a few years ago.Listening to Newcastle vs Norwich then going out at half-time to see the new leek trench site and have the chicken dinner made with last nights winnings. I'll give you a report on both trench and dinner later. Well that was worthwhile, the space for the trench is ideal and dinner was lovely. I'm now back at Hall Towers thinking, oh dear you say and you'll be right. I am still wishing Mrs H would come home but if she isn't going to do that straight away I need to know that she at least wants to stay married and that I am still part of her life. That is something I have no influence upon and will no doubt over-analyse until the cows come home.So at the risk of doing that very thing I will break away from this navel gazing and type up the next few pages of The Story, which by the way is how I'll be referring to the Grand Opus in future.

TTFN. PAAA.

Winning the meat.

Aren't meat raffles fantastic? Unless you are a vegetarian or a vegan of course and to you fine people I apologise in advance for my praise of a subject you may find distasteful at best, abhorrent at worst. With that said, to us meat eaters, aren't meat raffles fantastic?
We hold one every Saturday in our local pub to raise funds for our Leek Club. In case you were wondering Leek Clubs are run so that people can compete to grow the biggest leeks and other veg. Shows are usually held in a pub or club for entertainment and companionship.
So as I said, each week we have a meat raffle with the prize being a joint of meat or steaks and suchlike. Now it just so happens that for what seems like the first time in ages, but, I am told by others again so soon after the last time I managed to "Win the Meat!". Imagine my joy and surprise, I can eat a proper meal again after all these weeks of subsisting on dry bread and gruel. So today there will be a lovely chicken in the oven to be scoffed with roast potatoes and a variety of veg. I can't wait!
So with dinner planned and Thomas kitty 'helping' me me type I will write on. On the subject of leeks, I have found a place to grow them after I have left Hall Towers for Hall Towers II so at least that is one problem sorted out. I hope the change of garden may help me climb up the leader board because if I don't improve this season I may as well give up and retire from the fray. Here's hoping.
The rest of today is down to domestic chores so I'm going now.
TTFN. PAAA.

PS: spot the deliberate mistake.

Correct! 'me me'.

Trip to the tip.

Today I've made two trips to the tip, showed 4 sets of folk around the house and bagged up 6 bag loads of old clothes to go in the clothes bank one day this week.
This de-cluttering malarkey is hard work what with all these strangers traipsing around the house, loading up the van, trips to the tip, looking for self storage not to mention looking after the two kitties and myself when I get a spare moment.
Still it keeps me busy and stops any negative thinking from creeping in, I don't have time to think. I am making time though to write this blog and my Grand Opus so that I have an escape from the unrelenting pressure of selling up. It will be worth it in the long run.
I plan to relax for the rest of today and start again tomorrow. The box room/office is the plan. Wish me luck.
TTFN. PAAA.

Still in bed

Now that I've discovered the ability to blog from my android I will be able to entertain (?) you lucky people from all over the place.Today these pearls of wisdom are coming to you from my lovely warm bed.
I'll have to get up soon to start on the de-cluttering in the garage but I'm going to have another half hour of shuteye then onwards and upwards.
TTFN. PAAA.

I think I've worked it out

I was trying to write my blog from my android phone the other day but couldn't work out how to write anything other than a title. Having downloaded the app I now think I've cracked it. Fingers crossed and here goes.

Books.

I love books, that is something many people don't understand. "Why not just get a Kindle?" (other e-readers are available) they ask, adding that you can carry thousands of books around at once without all that weight and so on. I agree, the Kindle (other e-readers are available) has its place. When I eventually buy one it will be a boon when I'm travelling but, there's always a but, I love the feel of a real book in my hands. There's something about the feel and smell of an actual paper book that adds to the reading experience. A kindle (other e-readers are available) will never be able to replicate that, at least not in my lifetime I think.
So there you are, I love a good book and now I'm off to the pub to sit and have some ideas.
More later chums.
So a couple of hours in the pub working on my Grand Opus, a few good ideas for research and a few pages written to be transferred to the electronic version later on. I was going to sort out some clothes for the charity bag tonight but I think I'll leave it until Sunday and do some writing instead.
Saturday is start on the garage day and Sunday will be spare bedroom day. I hope that this will be the run up I need to gain a bit of impetus in the de-cluttering department.
Tea-time I think, so TTFN and PAAA.

It just occurred to me...

whether this blogging lark is an exercise in ego massage. Are my ramblings really worthy of anyone's attention? Should I keep my opinions to myself?
This blog started as a way of getting my thoughts written down and although I could have done that in a private journal I decided that the idea someone might be reading the words and having an opinion on them helped put them into perspective. I hoped that someone might value what I am saying, maybe get some solace out of thinking that if they are down they are not alone, others are in the same boat and understand.
All that may sound like pretentious twaddle, but then so might much of what I have written on here and that's fine because people's opinions are valuable and should be expressed.
My hope is that those who do read this and I know there are some of you out there find some entertainment  value in what I write whether you think it's tripe or not.
TTFN. PAAA.

Friday morning

It's a chilly September Friday morning and I have the day off to go to the eye hospital to have a check on the pressure in the eyes which is apparently slightly high. Now as I suffer from high blood pressure you would think that'd be the reason and accept it but I have to go so go I shall.
I'm sitting surrounded by cats as I write this girding my loins for the great de-clutter commencing tomorrow. I think it'll be a busy day back and forth to the tip but I think also that it will be worth it. As the clutter goes down so should my mood improve. Two of the greatest causes of stress and unhappiness in my life have been debt and clutter, they have caused my mood to be low and have affected how I interact with others making me at times snappy and short tempered or silent and uncommunicative. Neither of these states are conducive to happy, thriving relationships. With luck the removal of clutter and debt will lift a weight that has been dragging me down for as long as I can remember allowing a little sunshine in. We live in hope.
I am trying not to think of Mrs H in the US because I am trying to be positive and get the house sorted out. It is hard to put the whole situation to the back of my mind because all my over-analysing kicks in and I find myself going over and over in my head all the possible scenarios from her coming home soon to never seeing her again. This makes concentration difficult as I find myself drifting off and thinking instead of getting on with the job at hand, having said that, I have always had that problem. It has held me back in so many ways over the years.
There is nothing wrong with thinking and planning to evaluate how what you do may affect your and others lives, the problem comes at the two extremes when actions are taken without thought for the consequences or no action is taken because all the possible options, and some impossible ones as well are gone over and over until it is too late. Like much in life, there is a lot to be said for moderation. Don't rush in but equally don't sit around and do nothing. That way sadness lies.
Right off to make some more coffee, buy an e-book on over-analytical thinking and do some research for my Grand Opus.
TTFN. PAAA.

Busy Busy.

OK, so car MOT booked, tablets for various cat maladies ordered, self storage rental looked into, spare house keys and paperwork dropped off at estate agent. This de-cluttering is harder than I thought. I need a hand, any volunteers? 

This weekend will be made up of a series of trips back and forth to the tip with the intent of dumping as much junk as possible from the garage. I will then be working on de-junking a room at a time over the following weekends with a view to be completely de-cluttered by the end of October, 2012 that is, though with the amount of stuff lying around I'm beginning to wonder. I am however not daunted (yes I am).

Still it will all be worth it in the long run, no more debt, clutter, old house or huge garden to worry about. 

I hope to be able to concentrate on writing my Grand Opus, it started out as an Opus but seems to have expanded so I think it deserves the title of Grand, and show Mrs H that it is worth her coming home from the US to a more settled and less fraught lifestyle with the new literary me.

More later. TTFN. PAAA

The stiff upper lip.

The stiff upper lip famed throughout the world as a strong British trait is not all its made out to be. I know, I've tried it and its a silly idea which has probably caused more situations to get out of hand when they could have been rectified with the input of a little emotion.
As a case in point, Mrs H has gone to the USA to work. Now, at one point I resigned myself to the stiff upper lip tradition of what has to be will be and I can do nothing about it so just suffer and get on with things, you'll get over it. Utter bilge. I realised that by conforming to the stereotype and accepting the whole thing as a fait accompli I was the author of my own misery and downfall.
Had I continued on the road I was on all that lay ahead was debt and a miserable existence on my own until I finally slipped off this mortal coil still working to pay off debt and mortgage to no benefit for anyone but the money lenders.
No more! I said to myself, release yourself from this, try to save the wreckage of your marriage and move forward. So forward I moved, putting the house on the market, selling all the stuff accumulated over the years and never looked at let alone used and throwing out all the things that 'might come in handy someday'. Goodbye to pack-rattery, hello to unclutteredness.
Still having said all of that, I do feel a little bereft today as I'm not certain where we (Mrs H and I) go from here. However, I hope that Mrs H's US move is merely a temporary one and that we can sort ourselves out without the monkey of my debt on both our backs and get back to married life together wherever that may be.
It may be that the lack of a stiff upper lip has saved the day, and the marriage, or it may have no effect at all and the whole game will be up anyway, whatever happens, had I clung on to that lip it would have been a definite goodbye Mrs H. At least now there is a modicum of hope, says he as he clutches at another straw. No, really some hope is better than none at all and a little give and take can work wonders. Let that be a lesson to you young folk out there, a stiff upper lip has its place, war, disaster and desperate rescue situations at sea but not in the world of relationships.
TTFN. PAAA.

Things move fast...

don't they? We've had a veritable flood of folks wanting to look at Hall Towers, 3couples in half an hour today, the place only went on the agents website on Tuesday. Just hope someone will offer boat loads of moolah when the time comes so Hall Towers 2 can be purchased in time for the Yuletide festivities.
Much of life seems to go quickly nowadays, said Methuselah. I suppose everything is so instant what with broadband and mobile phones we have come expect everything to happen about half a second before we think about it. I often wish for a chance to slow down and smell the roses now and again. Perhaps following the de-clutter and downsize I will get that opportunity. I'll take a slow train to Inverness or something like that, watch the world go by, drink beer and shoot wild haggis. That's the plan I think, a haggis hunt over Christmas, anyone want to join in, bring beer, a desire to chill out and a blunderbuss and you are welcome to tag along. I will also be making time for the grand opus which may or may not see the light of day but will keep my mind occupied in my old age, or even my middle age, I'm nearly 54 you know (doesn't he look well for his age?).
Still enough for now, must get to bed as I have to take Mrs H to the airport in the morning for her trip to the US. I hope it's a shorter trip than I first imagined but we will have to wait and see.
So, TTFN and PAAA.

The benefits of good friends and beer.

I've been away for a couple of days in the great city of Glasgow. As part of this walk on the Glaswegian side  I had a very enjoyable evening the The State Bar with my old pal Ian. A more erudite man you would not wish to meet. He helped me put a lot of things into perspective although by the time we finished drinking Farne Island beer I would have been hard pressed to spell perspective. Anyway, it was a grand night and helped me no end. My new writing endeavour has been given new impetus thanks to his advice and encouragement. I was even writing a few lines of my grand opus on the train down home, pretentious? Moi?
I always seem to come away from Glasgow happier than when I arrived, I have a couple of good friends there who always talk sense and buy beer, what more can you want?
Still, it's been a long day, so I'm going to relax with a rum and coke and say goodnight.
TTFN. PAAA.

It's 4 in the morning, no, really...

...well it was, but now it's 09:45 as I couldn't work out how to write on my Android phone. I am a technological genius. I can't remember what I was going to say at 4am so really reading this will be a waste of time, as will writing it I suppose but as I had the title it seemed like a good idea to say something. I'm beginning to wonder now though, perhaps it would have been better to have left it in draft and written on another day when it was actually 4am and I had something to say. Look, a squirrel!

It's four in the morning...

Well actually it's 23:23 but give me a break, I've been to the pub so I'm allowed a little poetic licence, or is it license? Who knows, or cares?

So, that was my last night out for a while with Mrs H so I'm glad we managed to get blootered, just like the good old days.

Time now to think about the logistics of the great de-clutter. Sensitive papers first, that is those that could be used to steal my or her identity, these will be put to the torch. Then sort out what I will need to take to my new abode. Closely followed by the stuff she will need for her sojourns in the UK. Stuff for sale, storage or destruction next. Then find a place to live until the money comes through from the sale of the house and finally, find a flat, move in and put the remaining stuff into a self storage unit Mrs H and I can decide what to do with it.

Simple really. I'll keep you informed of progress.

TTFN PAAA.

Onwards, fellow beings part 2.

Just a thought that struck me. I held out and held out for I don't know how long so that I could hang on to a building when I should have realised that there are more important things in life than bricks and mortar or possessions. Stuff is great as far as it goes and obviously you should strive to keep a roof over your head and provide as best you can for your loved ones. When push comes to shove there is a time to say, 'enough!' and move forward rather than hang on to the things that make you unhappy whilst losing that which brings happiness and contentment.
TTFN PAAA

Onwards, fellow beings.

Well, an estate agent has been engaged to sell the house and we are now officially de-cluttering and moving forward. Mrs H will be off to the USA later this week to set up her new job and rent an apartment over there. She will be back at the end of November to see how things are going with getting our new, smaller and less cluttered UK base set up.
The work she will be doing in the US is more secure than that which she had here plus as she still has clients to work for in the UK there will be a degree of ocean hopping going on. I, meanwhile will be holding the fort at this end keeping the home fires burning, so to speak with occasional forays to the West. We are in effect going to be a two continent family, which we think is a good way forward and, I hope will be an improvement on what went before, especially in the recent past.
In addition to the great move I will continue work at my exciting civil service job whilst blogging and writing my series of short stories which I have been attempting to start for years. I hope that the move and de-clutter will help clear my head to allow me to get the darned thing written, it's been lurking around for long enough, its time to unleash my genius on an unsuspecting public.
So there you have it, a change of direction for both of us and, I hope, a happy future together.
Wish us luck!
TTFN PAAA.

North of the Border

I've spent three enjoyable days in the Venice of the North, Edinburgh to us mere mortals on a work trip trying to establish what I need to write in my next training manual. Now you might think that enjoyable and work do not necessarily go hand in hand like the proverbial horse and carriage but at present they do. That of course may change, but take it while you can.
The hotel we stayed in was very nice, The Roxburghe, just by Charlotte Square since you ask and we discovered a smashing Mexican restaurant and a rather neat Italian not far away so all in all that worked out well.
I also managed to finally go into the famous Oxford Bar and also the not famous Cambridge bar which is just along the street. Both of which had their points but you'll never get me beyond Tiles Bar, I'm easily pleased though.
Now, as an international jet-setter I am travelling to the former second city of the Empire to deliver some training next week and to reacquaint myself with the State Bar and an old pal from Southend. Should be fun.
Changing the subject entirely it will be early mornings tomorrow and Sunday as with a combination of downsizing from my current home, my wife moving to the US for work at the end of the month and a general de-clutter of the combined accretions of life there are car boot sales to be attended so that we can clear out the house and garage of a great deal of clutter. I think an antique/bric-a-brac dealer needs to be found as well. There is a lot of stuff to shift and not much time to shift it.
On that note, I'll say TTFN and PAAA.

Sperlash!

That, my friends, along with being the sound an anchor makes as it hits the water is me casting myself adrift from the wreckage and striking out for the distant shores of happiness and contentment.

There will of course be bumps along the way, if you'll excuse the mixed metaphor but I hope that with a fair wind, some determination and the support of friends and family (you know who you are) I will roll up on the sandy shore of peace and tranquillity before too many moons have passed. Mind you as a youngster I had many dreams of Sandy Shaw, that is an entirely different story however (youthful crushes, aah how wonderful they weren't).

As I write I am surrounded (by that I don't mean they are on the seat all around me, rather they are in the usual places you'd find photographs. I may be sad but I'm not obsessed) by pictures of my smiling prospective ex-wife reminding me of happier times. I haver between wishing we could recapture those days and realising that they have gone the way of all things. The best hope is that we can remain friends (I know, I know everyone says this and rarely does, we can try though) and hope that as time heals the rift we can become closer again. She and I being on opposite sides of the Atlantic Ocean may be both a barrier and an aid to this. As someone once said, 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' so who knows?

As time goes on I hope to be able to move forward and stop these backward, or perhaps sideways looking posts and write on more interesting subjects. Just now though as this is somewhat of a journal or diary blog I'm afraid you are likely to be regaled with more of this type of thing until I start undertaking more interesting activities.

The aim is for me to write a little each day or maybe every couple of days, describing what has gone on and hoping to amuse and thrill you all (if there is actually anyone out there reading this) with the broad range of the day to day goings-on in the world of a middle-aged gadgie (a North East English term for a gentleman of a certain age and/or outlook) from a small village in the beautiful county of Northumberland (come and visit, you'll be amazed).

Tell you what as an almost final thought, time flies (like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana) while you are enjoying yourself. I started writing this afternoon at 12.30 pm and it is now 4pm, where did the time go?

So there you have it, there's ramblings to be written and write them I shall.

TTFN/PAAA (for future reference that's TaTaForNow and PerArduaAdAstra) PerArduaAdAstra by the way is the motto of the Royal Air Force and translates roughly as Through Adversity to the Stars.

Per Ardua Ad Astra (With thanks to the RAF)

Before I say anything else, my thoughts and prayers are with all those affected by the events of September 11 2001.

I came across an interesting site today http://inoveryourhead.net/ which got me thinking.

I am currently in the throes of my 2nd divorce, this marriage has lasted 9 years which is 8 years longer than the first one but anyway. As part of this I have desperately been trying to hang on to the house using the reasoning that it has been in the family since it was built in 1926 and that it is part of my life history and so on.  Today when I found and looked at the site I mentioned above I had something of an epiphany, so thank you Julien Smith.

By striving to get further into debt in order to keep the house I am tying myself into having to work long after my hoped-for retirement age. I am also condemning myself to an existence which involves trying to maintain a fairly large house and a huge garden as I get older alongside working in a job that once the current contract finishes will involve me doing work I will not like, in a building I loathe which involves dragging myself daily through the rush-hour traffic and other such fun stuff.

So, no more of that. I am going to bite the bullet, sell the house, clear my debts and with the money I have left find a little place to live in to allow me to start again free of major financial worries.

I will work at what I am doing until the contract runs out in a couple of years from now and then find a job working somewhere I would enjoy, such as a bookshop to give me an income until my pension kicks in. I will start writing on here again on a regular basis and be a little more disciplined about it, unlike at present where there are huge gaps between posts.

I need to build up a following so that I can expand my repertoire so to speak, most of all I need to be regular and interesting (two things it is always advisable to be in life I've found). I hope also to be witty and entertaining but don't hold your breath.

I will also look to get some advice from a writer friend about writing a series of short stories which may or may not lead into a book. You are never too old to start and I'm only 53 and 11/12ths so that's not old is it? Is it? Go on, say its not old. Sorry. Anyway, I read somewhere that a very famous author who's name I forget didn't have their first bestseller until they were 76 years old, so there's hope for me yet.

So if anyone out there is reading this please feel free to comment, tell me I'm a delusional old fool, be supportive whichever you like. I am looking to break free from the fear of the new and of moving on that has been holding me back all these years.

I have been clinging onto the wreckage for too long now, it is time to swim for the shore or drown in the attempt.

More soon. TTFN and Per Ardua Ad Astra.