December 29 2015

Tuesday afternoon, 3pm and I'm sitting on the sofa wondering what to do next. I have no motivation to read more of 'The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry' which to be frank I'm not enjoying but refuse to give up on, equally I have just as little to write either so here I am bashing keys on my laptop and hoping for some inspiration or maybe a poem to pop into my head. The thing is, in my opinion the more you think about being inspired the less likely it is to happen. Your mind, or at least mine needs to be on some unrelated task, distracted if you like so inspiration can spring unbidden into one's head.
That's all I wanted to say, so I'll wish you Peace and Love. ttfn x

Christmas and New Year

This has been a busy and tiring year which seems to have whizzed by. I reckon that there were a couple of months that passed me by, since the last time I looked it was October and now we are less than a week away from Christmas Day.
I have travelled a great deal this year and delivered training events in all parts. As a consequence, I'm knackered and all I want to do these holidays is hide myself away, turn off my work computer and 'phone and rest. I need to have long lie-ins and just chill out with some writing and catching up on the backlog of books that are sitting on the shelf waiting to be read.
I hope no-one is offended if I don't join in the festivities this year and hide away in the flat until the New Year. I'm not being grumpy or Scrooge-like and I'm not down or depressed, although this time of year does usually find me feeling low, I'm just tired and need some quiet time to myself to recharge the old batteries and think about my early retirement at the end of April.
I really hope all goes smoothly on the retirement front and that everything is in place for the 29th of April when my last working day comes around. Once that day has come and gone I will use my time to sort my poetry into some kind of order and see if I can get it published. After that I'll review The Tale and hope to get the first instalment into print. Then I can press on with the next part of The Tale and also write some new poems.
Anyway, back to the present; I have four more days at work before I break up for the holidays which I hope to use to catch up on some admin and perhaps make a day trip to Birmingham. After that I'll be in my cave sleeping, reading and writing.
So I hope everyone who celebrates Christmas has a great time and that the New Year is good to you all. To those who don't celebrate for whatever reason I wish you Peace and Love. ttfn x

The train of lights

The train of lights

She cuts through 

The darkness

Like a string 

Of Christmas lights

Decorating the night 

On her way 

To the City.

Delivering people

To fun, or work, 

Happiness or sadness

Each light a window 

Onto a black aspect.

The physical reflections 

Of those inside

Matching the mental reflections 

Inside those on board 

The train of lights

Lonely or alone? Re-revisited

In the Spring and Early Summer of 2014 I wrote a couple of posts on the subject of the difference between being lonely or alone.
Tonight on a cold and windy Winter Friday evening I thought I would say a few more words on the subject. Looking back at what I wrote it seems that I wasn't in a very good place mentally. I had fallen into, or perhaps back into would be more accurate expression, the depression which has, whether I realised it or not, (black) dogged me for much of my life .
Sitting here though I have come to the conclusion that I'm not lonely, I have Thomas Kitty for a start and there are many people I know think of me and are concerned about my welfare. It doesn't matter that I rarely speak to or see them, it's the fact that I know they are there that makes me realise that I'm not lonely. I say not because it's true, I am comfortable in my solitude and in fact actively seek it out at times. I have interests which occupy my mind such as boring the readers of this blog, and oddly there are some; I can also lose myself in a book which to me is one of the great ways of countering loneliness. A good book can carry me away to places I'm unlikely to ever visit and catch me up in the lives of people who I will never meet, mainly because most of them are fictional but never mind, in a good book they become real and part of my life.
There are people who are lonely and it is an awful state to be in especially as one gets older and I can empathise because in the past I have allowed myself to consider myself lonely, what I'm talking about are my own feelings now which are the only ones I can feel obviously.
Anyway, before I tie myself up in existential knots here I'll stop rambling and get to the point. I consider myself to be extraordinarily lucky to be able to cope with being alone and not to feel lonely. I have travelled to the ends of the Earth; well, Australia and the USA, alone and have never felt lonely. Interacting with new people or just watching the world go by keeps loneliness at bay. I'm as happy sitting in a cafe drinking coffee (really a bar drinking beer but I thought it sounded more cosmopolitan to be in a cafe) people-watching as I am amongst a crowd. I sometimes think that I must be the most gregarious loner I know.
So there you have it, all the times I've bubbled on about being lonely, well those days are gone. I'm comfortable in my skin and happy to be able to make my own entertainment, be it in the club with friends, alone with a book or interacting with folks on social media.
I hope I've explained what I'm trying to get across, which is that I've finally worked out that I'm never lonely, just sometimes I happen to be alone.
Until my next ramblings or if you're really lucky, poem I say Peace and Love. ttfn x

I'm a....

...terrorist sympathiser apparently. If that means being opposed to a badly thought out campaign of bombing the bejeezus out of innocent people then that is what I am. There are better ways of  stopping the spread of extremist organisations than this.
Cut off the supply of funds, fuel and materiel for a start. Find a political consensus between those opposing such extreme groups. Put pressure on the countries funding and arming them to stop doing so. Bombing will only produce more refugees and may even drive some people into the ranks of these groups of extremists.
They hide behind religion, in my opinion, they have no religion, they are simply criminals who are only out for themselves with no concern about the cost to anyone unfortunate enough to cross their path.
Violence begets violence. I have nothing more to say on the subject.
Peace and Love x

A big decision

After nearly 39 years working in the Civil Service I told my boss today that I intend to take early retirement as of 30 April next year.
It is a big decision and will mean a drop in income. This will be offset by the fact that I will be free of the demands of travel and the daily grind of keeping up with the increasing demands to do more with less.
I like what I'm currently doing but as things are going there won't be much call for my role in the future. I'm worn out and have started to worry in the last few months that I wouldn't reach my full retirement age of 60 without having had either a breakdown or a heart attack.
So, as an act of self preservation I reached the conclusion that the time was right for a change of direction.
From 1 May 2016 I hope to be able to concentrate on writing more poetry (sorry!), finishing writing West goes West and reading all the books I've wanted to read and not had the time or inclination to read. Perhaps I can get a part-time job as a bookseller, now that would be a great thing for a bookworm like me. Having said that for a while I'd like to just kick back and enjoy the freedom I hope to have to do the things I want to do instead of constantly worrying about the things I have to do.
Travel is also on the agenda, travel to parts of the UK and Ireland I haven't seen and want to visit plus trips to parts of the USA, Canada and The Antipodes which I've alays wanted to visit but never had the time or money to go to.
Mainly though I hope to release the stress that has built up over the years and try to enjoy life whilst I'm still young enough and have sufficient faculties to appreciate the activities I'd like to undertake.
Of all the years I've been in the Civil Service I've probably enjoyed about a third of them. Most of the 1980's and '90's were torture and had I had the courage I should have quit and moved on. Unfortunately I didn't have the cojones to leave and struggled on. I have now reached the point where I need my life back. After two failed marriages and years of making the best of a bad job now is the time to move on and be positive.
A cabin in the woods beckons where I can sit and regain my mojo before it's too late.
Wish me luck!
Until the next time, I wish you Peace and Love. ttfn x

Feeling poorly

I'm not sure if I have a cold or if it's allergies but I'm feeling rotten at the moment. I also have what we in the North East of England call 'The Skitters', I'll leave that you your imagination. Suffice to say I'm not firing on all cylinders today so I thought I would write a few words to pass the time why I quietly die.
I was going to go on again about how many awful people there are on Twitter but I've banged on about that enough and there are also some lovely people who counter the other kind so we'll put that to bed I think. The option to just not go there is always available and I have exercised that recently. I made the mistake of nipping back on yesterday to be met with abuse from right-wing trolls for asking a question so I think I'll just observe for a while again.
I'm feeling a little sorry for myself with being poorly but I've cheered myself up by working out that if I time things right I will be able to afford to retire early some time next year. That will be a great thing if I can manage it, it will mean that I can concentrate on writing poems and my long-ignored story of Bob West, blogging and catching up on some reading.
Another reason I'm a bit down is the fact that today is Thanksgiving and although I'm not American I kind of became used to celebrating with Karen each year and I do miss it. Still can't be helped,I just have to get on with it.
I'll tell you what though,if anyone ever has a sore throat I thoroughly recommend Olbas Pastilles, they take a little bit of getting used to taste-wise but by gum they do the job.
I've nothing much else to report really so I'll stop now and go back to reading before it's time to watch Ken Burns' The Civil War which is being repeated on the PBS America Channel and is a masterpiece.
Until next time, Peace and Love. ttfn x

A few thoughts Sunday 22/11/15

It's twelve noon on a cold November Sunday and I'm sitting with the heating on and a blanket round my legs like a little old man. I have the Sunday crossword to complete and a book to read so I'd appear to be quite content in my little world.
There's something missing though, and I don't know what it is. I have an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach (no it's not hunger, I've had brunch); there's a feeling in the back of my mind that there's something or someone not in my life that should be. I don't think it's my ex-wife even though I admitted yesterday that I still love her. No, there's just a space waiting to be filled and by what I don't know. I am feeling strangely lost without this missing element and have no clue how to find whatever it is.
What a load of twaddle you might say, get a grip and get on with your life. In general that's what I do, I try to function on a daily basis and present a 'normal' face to the outside world, just occasionally I sit back and this feeling of there being something missing creeps up on me and I feel the urge to tell anyone who happens to read this blather how I feel.
Well it's now three pm and my dinner is slowly cooking on a low gas. I'm sitting with Thomas kitty cuddled up against me keeping each other warm. Having a blanket and a cat certainly saves on gas for heating.
I've been seriously considering applying for early retirement. I don't like the direction my workplace is going at the moment and although I enjoy what I'm doing I'm finding myself more and more often wishing my life away until I'm 60. I reckon based on my last pension statement that I can live quite reasonably on my reduced pension and save my lump sum for emergencies and travel. I'm meeting my manager soon so I think I'll broach the subject and see where we go.
I really need to change my work/life balance. I was away working far too much this past year, I need to travel for fun and spend more time at home writing and catching up on all the books I have sitting waiting to be read. I need to have time to spread my wings while I'm still young(ish) and well(ish) enough to enjoy life.
Maybe that's what has been the missing thing I was talking about earlier. I need to break free of the shackles of my calendar and expand my mind into the areas I love; travel, reading and writing.
That's it settled then, I will consult the necessary people and see if I can put an early retirement request in train.
I'll let you know how I get on, until then Peace and Love. ttfn x

Life and love.

I'm sitting here in my rented flat with a kitty by my side reflecting on a few things. I just listened to my team being beaten yet again. They are in grave danger of relegation if they don't sort themselves out soon.
Anyway, that's just an aside, not what I want to talk about today. I've been thinking about life and love the last couple of evenings and have come to the conclusion that I'm likely to be destined to remain on my own. I can't look for a  new soul mate or life partner I'm resigned to having to plough my furrow alone.  The reason is that I'm still in love my my ex-wife, stupid really, we've been divorced now for 3 years and she has been remarried for getting on 2 but that doesn't alter the fact that my love has not receded into the background as I thought it would and indeed thought it should. The fact is I can't seem to let go of the feeling that somehow it wasn't suppose to happen like this, we were meant to be and our life together was supposed to carry on into old age.
I'm not sad or unhappy, I'm just confused about what to do and where to go, I know we aren't ever going to be a couple again, she's back in America, remarried and as far as I know, happy with her new life and husband. All I do know is that I will regret the failure of our marriage until my last day on earth. Stupid I know but this is why I will be unlikely to find another partner, it would take someone very strong and special to break down this wall, no not a wall, more like a fine strong veil of regret that hangs over me and stops me from moving a bit like a fly in a spider web.
Still, I will have to make the best of the life I have now and try to overcome this feeling of a lost opportunity. Perhaps it's because we are coming up to the third anniversary of the divorce that my mind has turned this way, who know? I know that I should mark it all down to experience and move on, my common sense tells me that but still I hang on, in fact I don't hang on, most of the time it feels like my feelings are just there with no reason for them being there, they just are.
I'm rambling a bit now, this is more of a stream of consciousness, I'm not thinking about the words, they are just flowing through my fingers onto the page, a bit like my poetry. When I think about what I'm writing my mind seizes up and no words come. It's all very odd, I live in a twighlight world where nothing seems real except that lost feeling clinging to me like a cloud. Not a dark cloud more like the mist you get at the coast which obscures reality and stops you from seeing clearly; a mist that you know you can get clear of by moving a couple of miles inland. Trouble is I don't have the desire or the inclination to make that move, it seems I'm content to blunder along in the half light and wait. Wait for what I don't know and probably never will.
So on that note I think I'll go and shave my moustache off and let the fresh air hit my top lip for the first time in eons. Probably a bit cold to be doing that but I feel like a change so bye-bye 'tache.
I'm off to do that right now so until my next ramble or poem Peace and Love. ttfn x

Time

Time passes as I read
A book. A kitty asleep
On my lap. Surrounded by
Things to eat and drink
Two phones silent and
A closed laptop all seeming
To snooze as the daylight
Fades and I sit while
Time passes.

Social Media

I've decided to give both Twitter and Facebook (FB) a rest for a while. The whole tenor of comments and the general lack of empathy from many of those making comments on both are really starting to get me down. And don't get me started on the Newspapers and TV news!
I've reached the stage where I'm seriously considering where my future lies. In the short term I plan to work, write, and catch up on all the books which are waiting to be read, both hard copy and on my electronic devices whilst making the occasional foray to the club for light refreshment.
In the medium term I hope to be able to retire in just under 3 years time to concentrate on writing, reading and travel as well as hoping to find a soul mate along the way.
The World is a seriously messed-up place just now with some of the comments I'm reading on said social media leaning towards fascism if not Nazism. If we aren't careful we run the risk of regressing to the 1930's where poverty and extremism ruled and the welfare of people was consigned to the dustbin.
We are sleep-walking into a bad place and I for one want no part of it.
I will continue to blog my thoughts and poems on here and post them to Twitter and FB but until I feel ready to stick my head out of my cave I will be otherwise conspicuous by my absence.
If anyone wants me I'm on Google hangouts and of course feel free to comment on here.
Until then, Peace and Love. ttfn x

A reflection on life since 2012.

As the third anniversary of the Great Schism of 2012 approaches this Sunday I look back with some ambivalence.
 I wish at times that things could have been different and that we had been able to find a way to get through our bad times and move forward together. Having said that if that had happened I would not have met the people I have since I moved here and that would be a shame.
I do miss the American connection though, I loved the trips for Thanksgiving and Christmas and the insight they gave me on how normal everyday Americans live their lives.
I hope if I get to retire when I'm still fit enough to travel to the US regularly and spend time there in some of the places I came to like such as Yuma, Washington DC, Columbia SC, and especially Vegas.
I'm sorry that I was such a bad husband that Madame felt that she had to leave and go back, it's a source of sadness to me that she had to take such a drastic step to be happy and that I failed in making our life together work. 
I suppose the good thing to come out of it was that I had to move out of the old place and start again which was beneficial. It has made me a better person I think. Not that I was a particularly bad person, it was just that I had settled into a rut, in fact we both had, which didn't leave a lot of room for the other half of the relationship.  
Still that's all water under the bridge now. we are where we are and life will take us where it will.
I've not really said very well what I started out to say and will maybe revisit this again. I just felt the urge to say something about my feelings as this anniversary approaches and to use this as a vehicle to put into words the thoughts that build up at this time of year.
I've no desire to go back, just to hope that next time, if there is a next time I can avoid the mistakes that caused the termination of something that started out with such promise and optimism.
Anyway, I've said enough for now. I may revisit the subject when, if, my subconscious mind leads me to but until then Peace and Love. ttfn x

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why do

They do it?

These thugs with their

Guns and their bombs and

Their fanatical hatred of all they

Despise, they have no heart or soul,

Just hatred leading them to kill

And to maim innocent people

Who've done them no

Harm; No reason,

No sense,

Why?

Written in sadness

I'm writing this as a Humanist. I have no religious axe to grind, I'm just a bloke who yearns for peace.
I don't know why people reach a stage in their lives where they feel so removed from humanity that they see fit to attack and murder hundreds of innocent people in the name of religion.
These thugs and extremists are not religious, they don't reflect the thoughts and desires of millions of people who believe in a god; they are criminals following their own twisted agenda to an end that I can't fathom.
All extremism is destructive, any form of fundamentalism is bad. People should be allowed pass their lives in peace and harmony without worrying about whether they are going to be killed by some evil-doer for no good reason other than their skin colour, religion or creed whilst they are at school, in an office, on a farm or having an evening of rest and relaxation.
I have no solution, bombing and shooting are not the basis for negotiation. Extremists by their nature are extreme in their views and beliefs, they see no value in anything other than the total destruction of their so-called enemies so any form of reasonable discourse is likely to fail.
Should they be fought in the same way as they fight? I don't know. As a pacifist I abhor violence and wish there was a way to deal peacefully with this type of destructive behaviour but as I say I can offer no solution.
Violence begets violence, all I can wish for is that somehow the perpetrators of such evil acts as happened yesterday in Paris will one day, somehow come to their senses and realise that they have taken the wrong path, forswear violence and agree to live harmoniously with others.
I'm not holding my breath.
I'll end in sadness, hoping against hope that Peace and Love will prevail. ttfn x

Dreaming Spires

Dreaming Spires

Through the Garden of England

And the Capital City

To the City of Dreaming Spires

I travelled today

The heart of the South you may say

But my heart lies elsewhere

In an ancient Northern Kingdom

And in the cradle of a Civil War.

I'm not sleepy

Bill

There was an old fellow called Bill

Who felt he was over the hill

Then a met a young woman

Who was someone quite stunning

Which livened old Bill like a pill

Edward Lear, eat your heart out, or more likely spin in your grave.

Yet another poem-In London

In London

Alone

Just me

An hotel room

with the windows open

the sounds of the street

Rise up to meet the silence

As I sit and contemplate their lives

The people driving, walking, riding past the hotel

Shouts and yells filter up through the night sky

A baby cries, she is out late, I wonder why

The city at night is no place for a young child

Travellers, perhaps, late off the train coming to stay, maybe even here

A siren now, ambulance, fire or police an accident or a crime

Who knows, not me in my room here on floor five

listening as the buses, cars and bikes roll past me

Oblivious to my existence not knowing I hear them

nor caring as they hurry by, to where?

To home, to night shift, to party

Anonymous noises but still quite familiar

a droning hubbub of bustle

A crazy man laughs

A woman screams

A yell

London

The Sun Rises

The Sun Rises

The Sun rises 

On another day

Life goes on 

So we hope

Perhaps we pray

That things improve 

And people stay

We move along 

Our different streams

Lives come together 

Then they part

Taking a piece 

Of the other

Until the Sun

Rises once more

Not one of my better poems perhaps. Still it says what's in my mind and I hope conveys a sense of hope; although at first reading it does have a gloominess about it which might cloud the intention to say that each day brings with it the chance for life to improve for anyone feeling low or not being able to see the sun rising in their life.

Anyway, there it is. Peace and Love. ttfn x

I'm not in love...

Not in love

I'm not in love so the song goes

It's just a silly phase I'm going through

I want to be in love

Need to be in love

And loved

And there's someone to be in love with

But

There's always a but

They are far away

And with someone else

Sort of

There's always a sort of

Wait and see

Patience

Ah, patience

Not a thing a man like me has

In abundance

But 

There's always a but

I'll wait

And see

And hope

There's always hope.

Smile

As the old saying goes, smile and the world smiles with you, frown and you frown alone. The frowns on faces of the folks on this train are living proof of that old saw. A carriage full of glumness,  of people tired after a long day just wanting to get home with no interaction between people.
It's sad that people nowadays seem so unhappy all the time. I have seen many people over the course of today, not one of whom has managed to crack a smile.
That makes me sad.
Anyhoo, I'll be off now.  Peace and Love x ttf

Wednesday morning.

The masses are moving
From station and tube
To office and shop
Not a smile to be seen
Each morning they come
Each evening go back
Shuffling around
Like rats in a trap.

Angry and disgusted

I'm taking a step away from poetry tonight because I am angry and disgusted with the attitude shown by people who ought to know better.
I was in my local club this afternoon when the conversation turned to immigration and the current Syrian refugee situation.
A person who I thought of as a decent guy said (and I paraphrase somewhat as I was so shocked that I couldn't take in what he was saying at first) we should invent a gas to drop on Muslim countries to kill them all, that would solve the problem, he then went on to say maybe we could use the refugee boats as target practice and the fact that there aren't many "darkies" around here is because we don't want them here.
Now I'm a fairly broad minded chap but those sentiments I find abhorrent.
How anyone could even think such things never mind say them is beyond my comprehension. These are people he was talking about; fellow human beings who eat, sleep, make love, laugh and cry. They are not some weird alien species to be disposed of like trash or left to die at the hands of people smugglers in leaky boats unfit to be used on The Serpentine never mind The Mediterranean Sea.
The thing that struck me even more so was that others were agreeing with him and they were amused that I found what they were saying and agreeing with so utterly wrong. It isn't the first time that people have said such things, non-white folk are regularly referred to in pejorative terms with absolute casualness. One chap said similar things the other night and when I remonstrated with him he said that as he worked hard all week he was entitled to come out for a beer and say what he liked since it is a free country. I beg to differ.
I can't find it in myself to go back into that club any time soon, if ever. If those are the sort of people I have to mix with in order to have a beer I'd rather go without and sit in my flat with Thomas Kitty.
Such beliefs have no place in civilised society and make me embarrassed to come from the same area as those who hold them. I don't hate anyone but I certainly hate the opinions they expound.
I despair when I hear such utter ignorant uninformed piffle and wish I could find somewhere to be where such attitudes are frowned upon. I think I may struggle to do that.
I'll finish now and head off to bed much sadder than I was when I woke up this morning.
Until next time. Peace and Love. ttfn x

Slightly rude poem-don't look if you are offended easily

Talking Picture

If I had a talking picture of you

I'd hang it up beside the loo

Every time I had a shit

I could sit and look at it

If I had a talking picture of you.

The man on the train.

The man on the train is
An absolute pain
Peeling his orange with a knife.
He's setting up camp
With his bottles and bags
I feel sad for the girl to his right.
I'm hoping so much that
He's not going far since
I doubt we can take any more
Of the man who peels his orange
With a knife.

I'm on the train!

For some unknown reason I have complementary wi fi access on the train home so I thought I'd take advantage of it to stick down a few words.
I'm travelling huge amounts just lately and also have a home move to undertake.
I'm woefully unprepared for said move with much packing and chucking away of unwanted junk to be done over the next two weekends.  Fortunately I'm not moving far so that isn't such an issue though I reckon I'll be jiggered by the time I'm done.
Also thankfully I will be getting help from my brother and  I hope a couple of pals so I hope all will go smoothly.
If you don't see a blog from me after the Bank holiday weekend you'll know it all went tits up and I've chucked myself in the Coquet.
Until then, ttfn.
Peace and Love x

I Tried

I Tried

I tried to write a poem today

But nothing came to mind

The muse it seems has gone away

So difficult to find

I'll try again another day

When she's feeling kind

to bring ideas down my way

to free me from my bind.

It seems the poems aren't coming just now. I need to find a way to kick start my inspiration. Perhaps I'll come across a subject while I'm away. I hope so. Or maybe I should just start writing my story again and the poems will come unbidden.

Waves

Rollers become breakers
Become surf on the beach
Shifting the sand
Down the coast.

Sand becomes dunes
Where the marram
Grass grows making
Homes for wild things
To live.

Another day at the beach.

The sea is steel grey
Rain on the horizon
Matching my mood
Is the sun on its way?
To bring light to the beach
And to my head
The hope is around
But not the sun
Yet.

The City

The City

In the City that never sleeps

Not that one

This one

London

Where the streets are paved with gold

Yet unfortunate people

Still lie on pavements

Trying to escape their awful lives

By sleeping

In the City that never sleeps

Dreams

Just lately I've been having some bad, not bad, sad dreams.
They revolve around times in my life when things that I didn't want to end have done just that.
These dreams conflate, if that's the right word, a number of people who I've had relationships with into one composite person who has come back into my life only to leave again thereby crushing my hopes of a reconciliation.
The whole dream thing has been triggered by my newly acquired residential uncertainty and a subconscious wish for security, stability and continuity in my dotage.
I wake feeling sad and discouraged since these dreams are so vivid and realistic even though I know they aren't.
The only way to get rid of them in my opinion will be to find an affordable place to buy so I can settle and not have the whim of a landlord hanging over the security of my accommodation.
With that in mind I hope to be able to get a place sooner rather than later. If not I don't know what I'll do.
On that note I'll be off to continue with my worrying and wish you peace and love.
ttfn x

Saturday morning dilemma

I'm sitting in my usual Saturday spot having collected my rail tickets for next week thinking about how to resolve my latest dilemma.
My landlady has given me 2 months notice to quit my home so I need to raise the money to buy a new place or find another rental. If I can't I will be homeless as of 13 September.
I wish that life could be more simple but it isn't so I have to deal with it and get looking. Ideally I'd like to buy the house but I have to make provision for an alternative to that option.
So, house hunting I go with the hope that somewhere affordable in the vicinity comes up either to buy or rent.
If this had happened a year ago I would have been floored, however with my new attitude to life all this has served to do is make me determined to find a solution and move forward.
So with that in mind wish me luck and if anyone has a spare £90k they can let me have don't be shy.
And on that note I'll say peace and love and get back to solving my Saturday morning dilemma.
ttfn. x

Summer Sky

Summer Sky

Clouds moving across a Summer Sky

Glowing red in the setting sun

The promise of another day

Of warmth and light

The silence hangs in the air

As if waiting for the day to come

Bringing what?

Who knows or even cares?

Enjoy the moment when you see

Clouds moving across a Summer Sky.

Sunday evening reflections

There have been many times over the last 5 years when I have just wanted to run away and live in a cave, to hide from life and hope my troubles would just disappear.
The thing is though, they don't, they sit outside the cave and wait until you stick your head out so that they can grab you and drag you down into the black world you were hiding from
Luckily I couldn't find a suitable cave to inhabit so I had to confront my issues and attempt to defeat them.
As I sit here on a lovely Summer evening I look around me and realise that I have made some progress.
I have dealt with the main issues and now live in a pleasant enough place and have made new friends, some of whom I will likely not hold on to but others who have been a help and a comfort. All-in-all I'm more comfortable in my skin that I have been for a while.
Recently a couple of events happened which not so very long ago would have floored me and sent me back downhill. This time, although they made me think; they have not knocked me over.
I feel a little low because of these events but I know that I can bounce back. I have re-evaluated my approach to my life and realise that I don't have to be a victim all the time. Looking at my attitude has shown me that I sometimes, no not sometimes, often revelled in having a bad time as if somehow I deserved my travails because I was a bad person.
Now I'm not perfect and have done some things in my life I'm not proud of and hurt people I should have cared for and for that I'm sorry.
The thing is I think I have learned from the bad times and will no longer wallow in self-pity, rather I will use any setbacks as a force for improvement in my attitude and approach to life.
I'm sure the anxiety and depression I've dealt with throughout my life will never entirely go away; all I know is that I now know how to deal with my own negativity and will try to raise my mood by becoming a better and more caring person.
The way I'm going on anyone would think that I found religion. No, what I have found is a determination to treat others as I would wish to be treated. that is in a kind and empathetic way. Kindness towards others is a force for good and a lifestyle, for want of a better word, which will enhance my ability to overcome negativity, find the positives in any negativity that comes my way and use it for the benefit of not only myself but others whom I encounter.
On that note I think it's time for me to stop rabbiting on. So Peace and Love, ttfn x

https://humanism.org.uk/

My 12-point plan

So. After a poor start to July I realised that I was becoming complacent and have allowed my life to drift. Therefore I've made a few decisions.
The new 12-point plan is as follows, in no particular order:
1. Get into the garden more and keep on top of it.
2. Be more detached as a trainer and stop trying to be the trainee's friend, I'm not, I'm there to be an instructor not a pal.
3. Revert to my previous plan of spending time in America rather than Australia once I retire.
4. Spend less time in the club (tough one)
5. Read more.
6. Be more assiduous in writing my journal, poetry, short story and blog.
7. Remember that I'm 56 not 26 and behave accordingly.
8. Accept that I'm unlikely to find the love of my life in Broomhill and enjoy being single.
9. Lose weight. I should be 13 stone, not 17. (See 4 above)
10. Continue to let my hair, goatee and moustache grow for that bohemian look. (See 12 below)
11. Get a semi-colon tattoo.
12. Be less self-deprecating whilst continuing to live a kind life.

I'm not sure if I will be able to achieve any or all of the above but the mere act of writing it down has concentrated my mind on continuing to look forward not back.
Peace and love x ttfn

Real friends

It's been said many times by many people that it's good to know that one has real friends who care about you when things in life don't quite go to plan.
These people are the ones who you don't necessarily see for days, weeks , months or even years but can be relied upon to rally round when a bump in the road knocks you off kilter for a while.
It's comforting to realise that there are some people who think well of you and are prepared to offer kind words when they are needed.
Many times over the last few years these friends have helped me through troughs in my life and made it bearable by showing me that they care.
I have nothing but praise for these people and as my good friend Pete said just this morning; Forward!
Letting the major and more recent minor disappointments of the past be and live looking at the positives in life is my motto and  it has worked to keep me from falling back into the dark place I formerly inhabited.
So with good friends to support me and a positive attitude I am indeed still going forward!
Peace and love. x ttfn

The young man from Madrid

Young man from Madrid

There was a young man from Madrid

Who instead of a hat wore a lid

Each time it got hot

He boiled like a pot

The tin lidded young man from Madrid

Forward!

Forward!

It's a comfort to know that one has good friends

Who you may not have seen for long stretches of time

They rally to support you when life has its downs

Letting you realise that all will be fine

Those people accept you just as you are and 

The message you get from those friends far and near

Is seize life by the hand and go forwards not back

The future is waiting so don't dwell in the past

Live each day as it comes be it awful or fun

What went before is all said and done.

Goodbye

Goodbye

When you have a friend 

Who lets you down

It's a terrible thing

When you have someone 

Who says they're your pal

And they let you down

It's a terrible thing

When someone you opened you home to

Lets you down

It's a terrible thing

Let it go though and let them go too

It's easy to do

It's not a big deal

Just move on

It's not such a terrible thing

You're better than them

They've let themselves down

Not you.

Goodbye.

A Sunday poem

Two Whiskery Old Fellas

Sitting on a sofa

On a Sunny Summer Sunday

Enjoying the peace

Just a chap and his cat

Two whiskery old fellas

Who've seen good times
And bad

But we're still sitting here together

Two cosy old lads.

The impatient man

Give me a minute and
I'll be there she says
It's been a minute
You've done nothing yet
Walking off as she
Struggles to catch up
That was me once
The impatient man
No longer
Now I savour time
Wait for the one I love
And live life to the rhythm
Of the day not pushing
Or rushing just going
With the flow.

The sands of time

The sands of time trickle on
Taking our lives through
Good and bad to an end
No one can foretell
So make the most of the time
We have, enjoy the good
Endure the bad, enjoy this
Life, the only one we have.

Alnmouth Beach

People strolling with their dogs
As the sea shimmers under a glorious sun.
The tide slowly covers the golden sands
And a gentle summer breeze caresses
The grass on the dunes looking peacefully out
Over the flat calm waters.

Small

Sometimes when you're
In the city, you feel
So small it isn't pretty
The buildings loom
Above your head
Making you wish
You were home in bed.

Far away

What is it they say
When you're far away
From the person who once
Could make your day?
That absence makes
The heart grow fonder?
As time goes on
I sometimes wonder
Those feelings have changed
Like the man who had them
He's different now, not such a
Person not who clings to  a
Past that is long gone.

The Sun

The Sun is shining in my eyes
Streaming down from clear blue skies
It makes a change from dismal days
When clouds and rain
Block out her rays.

Again

Heading for the North again
The land where darkness falls
In summer late and
Winter days are dark as night
But the pubs are open
So that's alright.

A dream

I had a dream last night
The one I loved
Was leaving me
I knew the face
But the voice
That was of another love
I'd lost
To lose one love
Is unfortunate
To lose two
Careless

Smoking

Smoking is bad
So they say
You do it, you'll die
So they say
Tobacco, it stinks
So they say
A filthy habit
So they say
I like to smoke
So they say
Your choice
I say.

Love

They chat in a pub
About relations
And love
About splitting
And connecting
About attraction
And separation
About why do
They love
And why do they
Split
About ending
And starting
About love.

A Summer day

The rain is falling this Summer day
Soaking the world below the clouds
I wonder if it will go away
And cease to drench the crowds
Who slowly make their way
To work or play hoping for the sun
To shine as it should on a Summer day.

Social Media

Social Media

On Twitter and Facebook and Google plus

We lay open ourselves to the world

I wonder sometimes if it’s worth all the fuss

To let people into our lives

We Tweet when we’re drunk

And DM in a funk

Annoying the folks that we like

There are times when we should

Just shut up and be good
And keep our thoughts in our minds

It's Sunday and I'm writing poems.

The Tale Begins

‘It was a dark and stormy night’

So the tale begins

The prelude to a fiction

Leading the reader

Into a world of mystery and Intrigue

From which there is no escape

Until the final page is turned

And the sun comes up

A poem about a house

The House

It was a lonely house

Standing sad and neglected

Like a single tooth in an otherwise

Empty Mouth

No joy emanated from its silent walls

A gloom hung over it

Smothering anyone who encountered it

Many did, but there was no welcome here

It’s in the past now

Happier abodes beckoned

The residents moved on to happier lives

And the house?
Who knows or even cares.

The Moustache

The Moustache

The moustache is an amazing thing

Below your nose and above your chin

It gets in your soup

And it gets in your gin

The Moustache

Is

An amazing

Thing

5 more years

So the Tories won the election. 5 more years of misguided austerity are staring us in the face. I'm not sure the people of this country can stand such a prospect.  All I hope is that the opposition can regroup and get them out next election and that the damage they are doing can be rectified.
Until then it's time to hunker down and hope to ride out the storm.
Nothing else to say. Peace and Love, ttfn x

The Smoke

Alone on the train
Surrounded by people
All living their lives
Through sunshine and rain
Where are we all going
This train full of folk
To be happy or sad
To cry or to joke
As we sit on the train
On our way to the smoke

Waiting

I'm sitting at the station
The sun is shining strong
Whilst I'm waiting for the engine
To take me to the throng
Of people heading outwards
To the city way down south
To join the toiling masses
In their daily life of work.

The umbrella

It's dead.

Turned inside out 

By the storm

Lying alone 

On the tiles

A testament

To the power of nature

But no

The healing hands

Worked their magic

It came alive again

To shelter once more

The queen of umbrella repairs

The last Tim Tam

It sat there chocolaty and inviting

taunting us

You have it

No you

It's the last one

Take it 

It shows I care

The last Tim Tam

Oceans apart

Though we're oceans apart
There's a place in my heart
For a friend just recently made.
The connection we have can't be
Cherished enough and endures
Cross water and land.
We may never again sit chewing
The fat or share Tim Tams whilst talking of life.
But I know that we'll be good friends from now on though our lives are oceans apart.

You'll learn something new every day

You’ll Learn Something New Every Day

As each dawn arrives the chances are there

That you’ll learn something new every day

Each thing that you find may alter the way

That you look at the life that you have

Don’t fret about things you can’t alter or change

Or the ways that others go on

Just get on with your life with the hope in your heart

That you’ll learn something new every day.

There's a land

There’s a land

There’s a land in the South

Called Australia

Where the folks are so kind

And won’t fail ya

They’re the salt of the earth

It's a place full of mirth

This land in the South

Called Australia

Opened Eyes

Opened Eyes

A chance encounter

Which lead to good times

Has opened my eyes to the future

There’s always the hope

That things will be fine

Since my eyes have been opened

To the future

Wherever we go

Alone or as two

There’s always the thought

That you opened my eyes to the future

The Stranger

The Stranger

The stranger you meet

On the Circular Quay

Leads to a change

In your life for the better

A walk to a pub

With the stranger you meet

Puts a face in your world

You can never delete.

In a land down under

This week I'm in Sydney, Australia having a break from travelling for work by travelling for pleasure. After a long flight from Newcastle via Amsterdam and Abu Dhabi I arrived at Sydney. KLM and Emirates are both splendid airlines and Schiphol is a smashing airport even if it is undergoing some refurb work at the moment.
Anyway, arrived in Sydney and took the train to Central and the light rail to my apartment hotel in Darling Harbour. If you are ever travelling around Sydney I wholeheartedly recommend you obtain an Opal card for travel on trains, light rail, buses and ferries. It's by far the most convenient way to pay for journeys.
The apartment at the hotel is splendid, with all the amenities you could wish for, including a washing machine and drier.
Anyway, I've now been here one full day and have only mooched around the Darling Harbour area, which is pretty neat. Saturday night there was a short firework display for some unknown reason, but it was very good especially viewed from the 9th floor where I am situated. Tomorrow (Sunday) I think I'll mooch round here some more then branch out a bit from Monday onwards.
So apart from saying that Sydney is a splendid city and that I could comfortably live here I'll stop for now.
More reports to come.

At the beach.

I'm in my usual spot at Alnmouth Beach watching the waves roll in and the dog walkers walk dogs gearing myself up for another fun week in Sunny Stratford, East London.
It is a splendid place to relax after a busy week away.
I'm writing this post on my Chromebook connected to the internet via a rather nifty piece of kit which allows me to use mobile broadband pretty much anywhere there is a half decent signal. The wonders of technology.
Last week was spent working in Birmingham and Manchester which was fun, especially as, for the first time in my life I was importuned by a lady of the night whilst standing outside my hotel in Birmingham. Sadly I had to decline her kind offer because I realised that I couldn't claim her charges back on expenses. Another opportunity for a life experience lost, never mind, it is probably best that I did turn her down.
I love the travel aspect of my job even though it's tiring and sitting on trains does my back in. It's great to visit different places, meet new people and make new friends. I will never understand people who don't enjoy travel, it's their choice in most cases I guess so I shouldn't criticise them for it. It's just that the whole idea of sitting in one place and never going anywhere is alien to me. Says the man who sits for hours in the same spot every Saturday!
I'm looking forward to the clocks going forward in a couple of weeks, I love the long hours of daylight, Winter drags me down sometimes so it's always good to see Spring arrive. The only down side is that the parking charges at the beach start as well so my relaxing mornings will cost £1.50 a shot until October. A cheaper way to relax than my friend in Birmingham though.
Anyway, I'll stop now so ttfn.
Peace and Love x

Catch-up time

It's been a while since I posted anything but poems on here so I thought I'd jot down a few ramblings on this quiet Sunday evening.
I've been travelling a lot for work lately which is why I've not posted much. When you are sitting on trains or standing in a classroom delivering the same training events over and over the muse tends to take something of a back seat although my habit of sitting at Alnmouth Beach on a Saturday morning has given rise to some ideas. I also met up with a pal in Glasgow last week who helped give the old creative juices a bit of pump-priming so maybe a few more verses will be inflicted upon my unsuspecting reader before too long.
As to The Tale, poor Bob and Helen West are still sitting forlornly on their farm with their new baby awaiting instructions from me as to where they should go next. I really must knuckle down and get them moving, perhaps this week in my hotel I will look them up and give some thought as to where they are going to go next. Probably Arizona or California but we'll have to see.
Anyway, apart from work travel and the 50 yard stroll to the club I haven't been up to much since I came back from my Christmas trip to Vegas. Speaking of Vegas, I read that the Riviera is going to torn down to make room for the expansion of the convention centre. That's a shame, I loved the old place. Still if I'm ever lucky enough to go back I'm sure there are plenty of other casinos happy to take my money.
Maybe once I retire and firm up my plan to stay in the US for part of each year I'll go back, Trouble is I also want to revisit Washington DC, Columbia SC, Black Hawk CO, Yuma, Palm Springs, Long Beach and Philadelphia (philly cheese steak, yum!) to name but a few of the places I liked when I was still travelling with the former Mrs H. Perhaps I'll hire a Winnebago and do a grand tour, ending up in Vegas. That would be fun, all I'll need is a co-driver and look out America.
Moving on, the clocks go forward in a couple of weeks or so and the light nights will be upon us, that always helps with my mood (although the happy pills also help) so I'm likely to be able to get some writing done. Having said that, the allotment will need some work soon as well so maybe the writing will have to wait, we'll see. It's strange though I seem to be more productive on the writing front when my mood is low. What I need to be able to do is be as productive when I'm not down as when I am. That's something to work on I guess.
It's time to stop rambling now so ttfn. Love and Peace. x

The river

The river- 20 Feb 2015

The river has moved

The mouth has shifted

A huge bend

The water blocked by sand

Forms a questionmark

Where do I go now?