My boss filled out the retirement forms today. My last working day is three months from tomorrow. I will be free to do as I please, go where I want whenever I feel the urge.
This is a whole new chapter in my life and although I'm a little apprehensive I really am looking forward to it. I have waited 38 years doing jobs I was never really suited to, now I can write and observe the world without worrying that I should be doing something else.
The freedom to write is the best thing. Nothing else on my mind, just the words I want to put down on paper, freeing my soul to entertain, even if it is just entertaining myself.
I am by nature a lazy procrastinator so work has always been a struggle. If I procrastinate now, I will be a freelance procrastinator and no-one will be there to make my life hard for not doing what I should.
I will be beholden to no-one and free to be the lazy selfish so-and-so I really am.
Peace and Love. ttfn x
Tuesday 19 January 2016
Monday 18 January 2016
Monday January 18 2016
Here I am at 10 past Midnight not feeling the slightest bit sleepy so I thought I'd write a few lines. It's a funny thing, there was a time not too long ago when I'd be in bed by 9 pm and lie there feeling sad and overthinking until sleep came and the troubles I thought I had would be abandoned until I woke at the crack of dawn still tired and feeling hopeless. Now I sit up into the wee small hours, wide awake thinking about the next chapter of The Tale and hoping that all will go smoothly between now and the end of April when early-retirement day comes.
These two types of early retirement, one going to bed early so that the awful days would be gone, the other a positive thing which will allow me to concentrate on what I really want to do, which is to write are poles apart. I like the positive thoughts, they are somewhat alien to me because I've always been a worrier and a little bit of me still waits for the light at the end of the tunnel to be a train. Though as my dear old mother used to say, "what will be will be" so I'll plough my furrow and deal with what comes rather than worrying about stuff that might never happen.
I think though that I prefer using this blog as a vehicle for my poems rather than a platform for introspective ramblings which I'm sure those of you who read this stuff, yes, both of you, aren't remotely interested in.
I try not to be controversial so perhaps some of these non-poetry posts are a bit bland and self absorbed. It's good though sometimes just to get my thoughts down in words. Perhaps I'll stick to writing in my journal when this desire comes upon me rather than to bore people rigid on here.
Anyway, I really do hope that this new direction I'm taking is the right one and that one day in the not too distant future my book will be a reality.
So to close:
These two types of early retirement, one going to bed early so that the awful days would be gone, the other a positive thing which will allow me to concentrate on what I really want to do, which is to write are poles apart. I like the positive thoughts, they are somewhat alien to me because I've always been a worrier and a little bit of me still waits for the light at the end of the tunnel to be a train. Though as my dear old mother used to say, "what will be will be" so I'll plough my furrow and deal with what comes rather than worrying about stuff that might never happen.
I think though that I prefer using this blog as a vehicle for my poems rather than a platform for introspective ramblings which I'm sure those of you who read this stuff, yes, both of you, aren't remotely interested in.
I try not to be controversial so perhaps some of these non-poetry posts are a bit bland and self absorbed. It's good though sometimes just to get my thoughts down in words. Perhaps I'll stick to writing in my journal when this desire comes upon me rather than to bore people rigid on here.
Anyway, I really do hope that this new direction I'm taking is the right one and that one day in the not too distant future my book will be a reality.
So to close:
There was an old fellow called Hall
Who sat up into hours quite small
He would write a few words
Then rise with the birds
That sleepless old fellow called Hall
Peace and Love ttfn x
Sunday 10 January 2016
More musing
I've just returned from collecting some rail tickets and a trip to my thinking spot and after my somewhat down pointing previous post I thought I'd write something a little more positive. When I go down to the beach to watch the sea I feel a relaxation that I can get nowhere else. All my worries, real or imagined are stripped away as I watch the waves roll in.
Regardless of the weather that spot is a bolt hole, a quiet place for contemplation. Even when there are loads of people around at busy times in the Summer I can shut them all out and concentrate on nothing other than the expanse of water in front of me which beckons with the promise of far away places to visit and new people to meet. In that place I am happy and that carries me on and keeps me going until the next time. It's a charger for my emotional battery.
There is something about the sea that I love but can't put my finger on; much as there is beauty in the hills, moors, lakes and forests around here they can't in my opinion hold a candle to the coast with its ever changing light and mood and as I said before that promise of travel and adventure. Adventure is the wrong word for me since I'm one who likes to sit in a bar and people watch rather than climb Mount Fuji on a pogo stick. Anyway, you get my drift I hope.
Still, on these slightly more positive notes I'll be off, wishing you Peace and Love. ttfn x
Regardless of the weather that spot is a bolt hole, a quiet place for contemplation. Even when there are loads of people around at busy times in the Summer I can shut them all out and concentrate on nothing other than the expanse of water in front of me which beckons with the promise of far away places to visit and new people to meet. In that place I am happy and that carries me on and keeps me going until the next time. It's a charger for my emotional battery.
There is something about the sea that I love but can't put my finger on; much as there is beauty in the hills, moors, lakes and forests around here they can't in my opinion hold a candle to the coast with its ever changing light and mood and as I said before that promise of travel and adventure. Adventure is the wrong word for me since I'm one who likes to sit in a bar and people watch rather than climb Mount Fuji on a pogo stick. Anyway, you get my drift I hope.
Still, on these slightly more positive notes I'll be off, wishing you Peace and Love. ttfn x
Musing
I'll be glad when I can put my past behind me and embark on a new adventure free of the shackles of what went before. That is a wish I tell myself that I hope to be able to fulfill in the not too distant future. I've about as much chance of doing that as I have of flying to Mars. There are elements of my life which I should relinquish and forget about but I have grave doubts that I can succeed in putting behind me. It isn't that I want to hold on the the past, it's the fact that I'm too scared of the future to relinquish my hold on the memories that have kept me where I am just now.
I wish I had the balls to say fuck it, the past is dead, long live the future. The point is that even if I could do that the past will linger in the back of my mind, whispering about what might have been; if only. Ah, if only, an expression that has held me back all my life. I try to tell myself that if only's are just pipe dreams. I tell myself to forget what has gone and move on yet still I hang on to useless things and thoughts which stop me from breaking free and moving into a new phase.
It boils me to be like this. I want to move on. I need to move on. I hate how the past holds me back. I want to be free to live a new life.
I know what I need to do, I need to push the off switch on what has gone before and take a step into the unknown. Can I do that? Who knows? I suppose I'll just have to look at each new day that comes and deal with it on its own merits and stop over analysing every little thing.
I don't know what life will throw at me, I suppose I'll just have to get on with it.
Writing this hasn't really helped me to get any idea of where I'm going or what I'm going to do. It has just been another pointless exercise in navel gazing which has produced nothing.
Peace and Love. x ttfn
I wish I had the balls to say fuck it, the past is dead, long live the future. The point is that even if I could do that the past will linger in the back of my mind, whispering about what might have been; if only. Ah, if only, an expression that has held me back all my life. I try to tell myself that if only's are just pipe dreams. I tell myself to forget what has gone and move on yet still I hang on to useless things and thoughts which stop me from breaking free and moving into a new phase.
It boils me to be like this. I want to move on. I need to move on. I hate how the past holds me back. I want to be free to live a new life.
I know what I need to do, I need to push the off switch on what has gone before and take a step into the unknown. Can I do that? Who knows? I suppose I'll just have to look at each new day that comes and deal with it on its own merits and stop over analysing every little thing.
I don't know what life will throw at me, I suppose I'll just have to get on with it.
Writing this hasn't really helped me to get any idea of where I'm going or what I'm going to do. It has just been another pointless exercise in navel gazing which has produced nothing.
Peace and Love. x ttfn
Saturday 9 January 2016
Tranquility
Tranquility
Sound of seagulls
And surf sussurating
On the sandy shore
Brings tranquility
And peace
To an unsettled mind
Friday 1 January 2016
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