I've just had a very useful chat with the CPN at my local doctor's surgery. She has put a lot of my problems into perspective and suggested a couple of things that I can do to make my current situation bearable for the time being and given me hope for the future.
I need to make sure that I become more proactive and less reactive in my dealings with situations.
Starting from today I will be putting into practice the suggestions and will stop being a rabbit in the headlights of life.
Per Ardua Ad Astra.
TTFN.
Tuesday 31 July 2012
Monday 30 July 2012
Here's a thought
Oscar Wilde once said 'if there is one thing worse than being talked about, it is not being talked about'. On a slight tangent from that I do not like being ignored. It is rude and often unkind to ignore someone who is trying to communicate.
Even if you don't like a person there has to be a modicum of politeness and consequently a reply to a perfectly reasonable question or statement.
It doesn't hurt to be polite, or kind for that matter. Nothing can be gained in the long run from ignorance or unkindness, all that produces is discord and unhappiness which could be avoided by a simple kind word.
Sometimes it is difficult with some of the haters on Twitter and suchlike to be able to think of a kind word but maybe a simple reply on the lines of 'Thank you for your opinion, I disagree with you and I'd be grateful if you would desist with your unkindness, goodbye'. You can then block them.
I still would like to think that a measured and thoughtful response will maybe make the haters think twice. Perhaps not, but if one person stops because of a kind word then we will have succeeded.
Time for me to return to cloud-cuckoo land where kindness and politeness are the rule rather than the exception.
TTFN.
Even if you don't like a person there has to be a modicum of politeness and consequently a reply to a perfectly reasonable question or statement.
It doesn't hurt to be polite, or kind for that matter. Nothing can be gained in the long run from ignorance or unkindness, all that produces is discord and unhappiness which could be avoided by a simple kind word.
Sometimes it is difficult with some of the haters on Twitter and suchlike to be able to think of a kind word but maybe a simple reply on the lines of 'Thank you for your opinion, I disagree with you and I'd be grateful if you would desist with your unkindness, goodbye'. You can then block them.
I still would like to think that a measured and thoughtful response will maybe make the haters think twice. Perhaps not, but if one person stops because of a kind word then we will have succeeded.
Time for me to return to cloud-cuckoo land where kindness and politeness are the rule rather than the exception.
TTFN.
Lunch break
Having a break from renewing my acquaintance with the material I'm delivering later this week so I thought I'd spend a few minutes talking to whoever is reading this these days. If anyone is reading this that is.
So the sporting extravaganza that is the Olympic Games has begun and the usual suspects are saying its all rubbish or all fantastic depending upon their leanings. I will be keeping a dignified silence apart from saying that I wish I had the imagination and ability of the people who produced the opening ceremony. It doesn't matter whether you think it was a triumph of Socialism or 'leftie' crap, you have to hand it to Mr Boyle, his staff and volunteers for producing a magnificent spectacle.
Anyway, I haven't much else to say just now and I'll be busy the rest of the week with this and that so my next ramblings will probably be on Sunday, I hope you can wait that long! I'll probably do another one of my putting thoughts down as they come to me style of things so at least you've all (all?) got something to look forward to.
TTFN
By the way, did I mention that I love scones?
So the sporting extravaganza that is the Olympic Games has begun and the usual suspects are saying its all rubbish or all fantastic depending upon their leanings. I will be keeping a dignified silence apart from saying that I wish I had the imagination and ability of the people who produced the opening ceremony. It doesn't matter whether you think it was a triumph of Socialism or 'leftie' crap, you have to hand it to Mr Boyle, his staff and volunteers for producing a magnificent spectacle.
Anyway, I haven't much else to say just now and I'll be busy the rest of the week with this and that so my next ramblings will probably be on Sunday, I hope you can wait that long! I'll probably do another one of my putting thoughts down as they come to me style of things so at least you've all (all?) got something to look forward to.
TTFN
By the way, did I mention that I love scones?
Saturday 28 July 2012
Friday 27 July 2012
Afternoon off
It is such a lovely day, the sun is shining and the gentle whirr of next door's strimmer fills the air. A typical English Summer, ahhh!
Enough of that tripe, I decided to take the afternoon off to catch up on some sleep and to moan and twist on here. Not true really, well the sleep part is as I've had a couple of late nights this week for no apparent reason and I'm a bit pooped. The moan and twist bit isn't though.
Since I reconstituted my blog (sounds like a medical procedure but never mind) and opened up about my depression and other problems I've had nothing but support and kind words from friends and strangers alike. There are some very kind people in this world and I think we'd do well to remember that. Sometimes we do ourselves down as a species and let the haters take over, there really is no need. From what I have experienced recently, the kind outweigh the hateful many times over.
It takes nothing to spare a kind word or thought for others who may be suffering from sadness, loneliness or physical illness and it really does help. It's good to know that someone has bothered to think of you even for a fleeting moment, it means that perhaps you aren't as alone as you might think.
I say, hurrah for the good and kind folks in this world. Scones all round!
Enough of that tripe, I decided to take the afternoon off to catch up on some sleep and to moan and twist on here. Not true really, well the sleep part is as I've had a couple of late nights this week for no apparent reason and I'm a bit pooped. The moan and twist bit isn't though.
Since I reconstituted my blog (sounds like a medical procedure but never mind) and opened up about my depression and other problems I've had nothing but support and kind words from friends and strangers alike. There are some very kind people in this world and I think we'd do well to remember that. Sometimes we do ourselves down as a species and let the haters take over, there really is no need. From what I have experienced recently, the kind outweigh the hateful many times over.
It takes nothing to spare a kind word or thought for others who may be suffering from sadness, loneliness or physical illness and it really does help. It's good to know that someone has bothered to think of you even for a fleeting moment, it means that perhaps you aren't as alone as you might think.
I say, hurrah for the good and kind folks in this world. Scones all round!
Thursday 26 July 2012
Today I will be mainly eating chips
Not strictly true but I couldn't think of anything else for a title.
As it's lunchtime I thought I would take a break from working on the computer to write some further nonsense on the, oh, never mind.
So, I've had a lovely PB&J with a slice of cheese using the bread I made yesterday, or to be more precise the bread that came out of the bread maker from the ingredients I threw into it but still you know what I mean. It was very nice, so along with the scones from the other day (did I mention that I love scones?) this has been a fairly successful couple of days on the baking front. Would that everything else in my little world went as well, but ho hum, what can you do when your future is out of your control.
Still, I can't keep going on about how rubbish my life is, there are very many people much worse off than I am so I'll be grateful for what I do have and go back to work.
TTFN.
As it's lunchtime I thought I would take a break from working on the computer to write some further nonsense on the, oh, never mind.
So, I've had a lovely PB&J with a slice of cheese using the bread I made yesterday, or to be more precise the bread that came out of the bread maker from the ingredients I threw into it but still you know what I mean. It was very nice, so along with the scones from the other day (did I mention that I love scones?) this has been a fairly successful couple of days on the baking front. Would that everything else in my little world went as well, but ho hum, what can you do when your future is out of your control.
Still, I can't keep going on about how rubbish my life is, there are very many people much worse off than I am so I'll be grateful for what I do have and go back to work.
TTFN.
Wednesday 25 July 2012
Another load of waffle
Waffle coming up, well it keeps my mind active and takes it off other things, sort of.
Having gone into my love of scones earlier I thought I would witter on for a little while about nothing in particular.
I'll be glad when payday comes, I'll be able to go and do some shopping, have a beer or two and get some real live company rather than the virtual kind. Not that I'm understating the value of the virtual on-line support I've had lately from friends on Twitter and to an extent Facebook but nothing can replace a real live human. I need to start rebuilding the friendships I have neglected over the last few years and making some new ones. I think it might be difficult but it will have to be done if I don't want to end up a lonely old man.
I will have to overcome my reticence and open up to new opportunities. But first I'll have to come to terms with the loss which looks likely to occur in the next few weeks and months. I will need the support of friends during this period and hope it will be there. If not I will have to be strong and deal with it all on my own. I've done it before and I suppose I can do it again, much as I wish I didn't have to.
Its time to stop feeling like an outsider and hope to become part of society again, with or without you know who.
That's all for now, I'm starting to become self absorbed so I'll stop.
Maybe tomorrow I'll give you an insight into my liking for mince and taties in all its various forms.
TTFN.
Having gone into my love of scones earlier I thought I would witter on for a little while about nothing in particular.
I'll be glad when payday comes, I'll be able to go and do some shopping, have a beer or two and get some real live company rather than the virtual kind. Not that I'm understating the value of the virtual on-line support I've had lately from friends on Twitter and to an extent Facebook but nothing can replace a real live human. I need to start rebuilding the friendships I have neglected over the last few years and making some new ones. I think it might be difficult but it will have to be done if I don't want to end up a lonely old man.
I will have to overcome my reticence and open up to new opportunities. But first I'll have to come to terms with the loss which looks likely to occur in the next few weeks and months. I will need the support of friends during this period and hope it will be there. If not I will have to be strong and deal with it all on my own. I've done it before and I suppose I can do it again, much as I wish I didn't have to.
Its time to stop feeling like an outsider and hope to become part of society again, with or without you know who.
That's all for now, I'm starting to become self absorbed so I'll stop.
Maybe tomorrow I'll give you an insight into my liking for mince and taties in all its various forms.
TTFN.
More Scones
I'm working at home again and need a break from reviewers comments so I've decided to talk about scones for a while.
It's a little known fact that I like scones, I would even go so far as to say that I love scones, not in any sexual way and I certainly wouldn't marry a scone but more in a filial way, as a son loves his mother. I have to stress here that I would never have contemplated eating my mother during her lifetime, or indeed after her death, I'm just using that as an example of how my love for scones can be construed.
I digress, as you may now understand, I love scones. The sheer variety stuns me, sweet and savoury, toppings galore, my diet could exist completely of scones and I would not complain. I might need the occasional mince and taties supplement but that is for another day, suffice to say I could live off scones and be content with my dietary lot.
Ah, but you'd get fat you cry, too late for that is my answer. In order to maintain this fine figure you see before you my intake of scones needs to be kept at a decent level. I often think that my scone consumption is insufficient for said maintenance and that I need to up my intake. Time will tell no doubt.
All this talk of scones is making me hungry so I think it is time to tootle off and see what is in the pantry for a snack. I have a strange feeling that scones may figure largely in this snack hunt.
TTFN. Support the Scone Liberation Front!
It's a little known fact that I like scones, I would even go so far as to say that I love scones, not in any sexual way and I certainly wouldn't marry a scone but more in a filial way, as a son loves his mother. I have to stress here that I would never have contemplated eating my mother during her lifetime, or indeed after her death, I'm just using that as an example of how my love for scones can be construed.
I digress, as you may now understand, I love scones. The sheer variety stuns me, sweet and savoury, toppings galore, my diet could exist completely of scones and I would not complain. I might need the occasional mince and taties supplement but that is for another day, suffice to say I could live off scones and be content with my dietary lot.
Ah, but you'd get fat you cry, too late for that is my answer. In order to maintain this fine figure you see before you my intake of scones needs to be kept at a decent level. I often think that my scone consumption is insufficient for said maintenance and that I need to up my intake. Time will tell no doubt.
All this talk of scones is making me hungry so I think it is time to tootle off and see what is in the pantry for a snack. I have a strange feeling that scones may figure largely in this snack hunt.
TTFN. Support the Scone Liberation Front!
Tuesday 24 July 2012
A new day
08:40. I'm working at home today, so obviously I am on the computer writing in my blog. It's interesting that after so long being on Twitter and restricted to 140 characters I find myself thinking in the shorthand that I would use on there as I write on here. Note to self, you can ramble on as much as you like on here, that's what the title of the blog is all about.
Anyway, today will be a stream of consciousness day, I'll be nipping in and out, adding bits as they come to mind. This will probably make it all somewhat disjointed. If so, you will see what my mind is like every day.
I'm off to drink my coffee before it gets any colder and to have a look at Twitter and Facebook before delving into work. Back later.
09:15. A thought just struck me whilst I was 'ahem' working. I must avoid using these blog entries as a vehicle for self justification as to how I ended up in my current predicament. I got myself into this by retreating into online gambling instead of fronting up to the problems staring me in the face. As much as I would like to blame others and as much as their current actions pain me, I have to accept that had I dealt with the issues early enough all this could have been avoided. A lesson learnt? I hope so.
10:45. Still not struck a bat but I'll get myself motivated after lunch and work later this evening. I was thinking a second ago that I wish I'd never set eyes on a certain person, then thought, no. I would have missed out on some good times even though they are being overshadowed presently by the bad. I will always be grateful to have had the time I did. I want things to be better and to stop feeling low. Having said that I think I will have to go through this valley a little longer before the open plains of happiness spread out before me. I'm trying to think of it as a learning experience. Next time or from now on if things turn out as I would hope I will have taken a valuable lesson away. That is, don't retreat into yourself, get help.
11:05. Of course it's good to remember that alcohol and gambling don't mix. Alcohol reduces inhibitions and the ability to make sensible decisions thereby allowing you to gamble with money you don't really have. If I was asked to give advice to anyone it would be don't gamble and if you must, don't drink whilst you are doing it. I'm living proof of where it gets you and where I am is not a happy place.
11:25. About to have brunch but while it's cooking I thought I would share this nugget. I contemplated killing myself on a number of occasions. Do you know what stopped me? It was the thought that some poor soul would have to clear up the mess afterwards.
12:00. I promise I'll get started soon. I really should stop dwelling on what might have been and hoping for a change of heart but it's difficult to look forward when all you can see is obstacles. Maybe I should look at them as opportunities and plan for a happier future. The thing is though I've never really been much of a planner in the great scheme of things. I spend too much time worrying and not enough time doing. Sorry, this is turning into a bit of a whinge-fest; maybe I'll give it a rest for an hour or so then come back to it. I'll not change anything I've written because this is a note of my thoughts today but I must try and be more positive.
12:25. Having said I would be more positive, I'm really cheesed that through my own mistakes I'm losing a place I've been associated with for over 50 years. It'll be a sad day when I have to leave. I need a miracle to happen to allow me to stay.
13:00. £4k for a divorce solicitor with £500 up front! Wish I'd paid more attention at school and become a lawyer. Plus fees for selling the house and moving costs. Expensive time. Don't gamble as an avenue of escape is my advice. Along with sort your problems out early.
13:10. Oh, and try to avoid divorce at all costs. Compromise is a wonderful thing.
14:00. I can't keep my eyes open trying to read this review document. Time for a short snooze then maybe I'll feel a bit more up to getting on with it.
15:50. Well the snooze was a fitful 30 minutes and didn't help my motivation at all. Nor did emptying the dishwasher. I think I might have to put today down as holiday and try again tomorrow. If I get an early night, set the alarm for my normal time and do all the usual stuff as if I was going into the office I might actually get the work done. It's not as if it's difficult, I just can't be bothered to do it. This is a symptom of my generally low mood and lack of motivation. I need something good to happen to raise my mood and motivate me. Offers on a postcard please.
16:05. What I need is to pay my debts off and save my marriage. I am gradually doing the former and have no control over the latter. I need to be able to move forward and not have to worry all the time. Sorry slipped into maudlin mode again. Back later.
17:00. I think I've written enough for today. I hope I feel better tomorrow and can be a little more positive.
Anyway, today will be a stream of consciousness day, I'll be nipping in and out, adding bits as they come to mind. This will probably make it all somewhat disjointed. If so, you will see what my mind is like every day.
I'm off to drink my coffee before it gets any colder and to have a look at Twitter and Facebook before delving into work. Back later.
09:15. A thought just struck me whilst I was 'ahem' working. I must avoid using these blog entries as a vehicle for self justification as to how I ended up in my current predicament. I got myself into this by retreating into online gambling instead of fronting up to the problems staring me in the face. As much as I would like to blame others and as much as their current actions pain me, I have to accept that had I dealt with the issues early enough all this could have been avoided. A lesson learnt? I hope so.
10:45. Still not struck a bat but I'll get myself motivated after lunch and work later this evening. I was thinking a second ago that I wish I'd never set eyes on a certain person, then thought, no. I would have missed out on some good times even though they are being overshadowed presently by the bad. I will always be grateful to have had the time I did. I want things to be better and to stop feeling low. Having said that I think I will have to go through this valley a little longer before the open plains of happiness spread out before me. I'm trying to think of it as a learning experience. Next time or from now on if things turn out as I would hope I will have taken a valuable lesson away. That is, don't retreat into yourself, get help.
11:05. Of course it's good to remember that alcohol and gambling don't mix. Alcohol reduces inhibitions and the ability to make sensible decisions thereby allowing you to gamble with money you don't really have. If I was asked to give advice to anyone it would be don't gamble and if you must, don't drink whilst you are doing it. I'm living proof of where it gets you and where I am is not a happy place.
11:25. About to have brunch but while it's cooking I thought I would share this nugget. I contemplated killing myself on a number of occasions. Do you know what stopped me? It was the thought that some poor soul would have to clear up the mess afterwards.
12:00. I promise I'll get started soon. I really should stop dwelling on what might have been and hoping for a change of heart but it's difficult to look forward when all you can see is obstacles. Maybe I should look at them as opportunities and plan for a happier future. The thing is though I've never really been much of a planner in the great scheme of things. I spend too much time worrying and not enough time doing. Sorry, this is turning into a bit of a whinge-fest; maybe I'll give it a rest for an hour or so then come back to it. I'll not change anything I've written because this is a note of my thoughts today but I must try and be more positive.
12:25. Having said I would be more positive, I'm really cheesed that through my own mistakes I'm losing a place I've been associated with for over 50 years. It'll be a sad day when I have to leave. I need a miracle to happen to allow me to stay.
13:00. £4k for a divorce solicitor with £500 up front! Wish I'd paid more attention at school and become a lawyer. Plus fees for selling the house and moving costs. Expensive time. Don't gamble as an avenue of escape is my advice. Along with sort your problems out early.
13:10. Oh, and try to avoid divorce at all costs. Compromise is a wonderful thing.
14:00. I can't keep my eyes open trying to read this review document. Time for a short snooze then maybe I'll feel a bit more up to getting on with it.
15:50. Well the snooze was a fitful 30 minutes and didn't help my motivation at all. Nor did emptying the dishwasher. I think I might have to put today down as holiday and try again tomorrow. If I get an early night, set the alarm for my normal time and do all the usual stuff as if I was going into the office I might actually get the work done. It's not as if it's difficult, I just can't be bothered to do it. This is a symptom of my generally low mood and lack of motivation. I need something good to happen to raise my mood and motivate me. Offers on a postcard please.
16:05. What I need is to pay my debts off and save my marriage. I am gradually doing the former and have no control over the latter. I need to be able to move forward and not have to worry all the time. Sorry slipped into maudlin mode again. Back later.
17:00. I think I've written enough for today. I hope I feel better tomorrow and can be a little more positive.
Monday 23 July 2012
Night thoughts
A few words before bed.
I've been watching a couple interesting shows on Discovery Channel, I'm especially glad that Mythbusters is back on for a new series. It's amazing what you can do with duct tape.
The TV, books and Twitter are lifesavers at the moment, good entertainment from the TV and books with company, albeit virtual, from Twitter.
I will be going to bed soon to read and Tweet a bit. I will have to get some more books soon, being a bookoholic is tough but entertaining.
I hope things will improve soon but in the meantime I will hang on.
As the Royal Air Force motto says 'Per Ardua Ad Astra'
QI, then bed. Goodnight, sweet dreams.
I've been watching a couple interesting shows on Discovery Channel, I'm especially glad that Mythbusters is back on for a new series. It's amazing what you can do with duct tape.
The TV, books and Twitter are lifesavers at the moment, good entertainment from the TV and books with company, albeit virtual, from Twitter.
I will be going to bed soon to read and Tweet a bit. I will have to get some more books soon, being a bookoholic is tough but entertaining.
I hope things will improve soon but in the meantime I will hang on.
As the Royal Air Force motto says 'Per Ardua Ad Astra'
QI, then bed. Goodnight, sweet dreams.
I'm back!
It's been a while. The prancing shorts haven't seen much use as they aren't waterproof and are useless in the heavy rain we've seen so far this summer.
My life hasn't exactly been heading in the direction I'd hoped so I decided it was time to start writing in here again to keep my mind occupied.
I will try to be positive and hope to entertain with my observations. Write what you know they say, so here goes.
Because the weather has kept me out of the garden, I've been spending a lot of my free time indoors surrounded by a hundred cats, at least that's how it seems. In reality there are only two of them but they seem to have the ability to be in fifty places at one time so they are certainly keeping me busy.
My work time has been spent writing training material, exam questions and delivering courses, busy, but it's kept my mind occupied, mostly.
I wonder what to do sometimes. I have a confession, I've been suffering from depression for a while. The situation I currently find myself in hasn't helped but I'm hoping that with the help of friends, both real and virtual I will be able to overcome current adversity and beat the black dog, not animal cruelty I might add, just another name for depression :-).
Over the next few weeks and months I will continue to write on here and hope to give an insight into my thoughts and feelings and maybe improve my mood as time goes on. With luck, anyone reading this will be able to see an improvement. As my mood lightens so should the humour and entertainment levels rise. We live in hope!
More later.
My life hasn't exactly been heading in the direction I'd hoped so I decided it was time to start writing in here again to keep my mind occupied.
I will try to be positive and hope to entertain with my observations. Write what you know they say, so here goes.
Because the weather has kept me out of the garden, I've been spending a lot of my free time indoors surrounded by a hundred cats, at least that's how it seems. In reality there are only two of them but they seem to have the ability to be in fifty places at one time so they are certainly keeping me busy.
My work time has been spent writing training material, exam questions and delivering courses, busy, but it's kept my mind occupied, mostly.
I wonder what to do sometimes. I have a confession, I've been suffering from depression for a while. The situation I currently find myself in hasn't helped but I'm hoping that with the help of friends, both real and virtual I will be able to overcome current adversity and beat the black dog, not animal cruelty I might add, just another name for depression :-).
Over the next few weeks and months I will continue to write on here and hope to give an insight into my thoughts and feelings and maybe improve my mood as time goes on. With luck, anyone reading this will be able to see an improvement. As my mood lightens so should the humour and entertainment levels rise. We live in hope!
More later.
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