Around this time last year I posted a blog entry about the New Year of 2013. I am now sitting writing this on the last day of that year waiting for my corned beef and brie toasted sandwich to cool and reflecting.
So, this time last year I was staying with The Brother and waiting for the money for the sale of the house to come through so that I could split the proceeds with Madame, pay off my debts and find a new place to live. Today I'm sitting in my new home, albeit rented but still home all the same with a plan for my retirement in 5 years time and hoping for the best in the year to come.
Madame became engaged to a new chap and visited here twice this past year and I went to the USA, not to visit her but to have a jolly time in Las Vegas, which I did. I hope to be able to travel more for pleasure this next year and will try to be more assiduous in keeping in touch with friends.
The past year has not been too bad to me nor has it all been wine and roses but I've chugged along and am grateful for the help The Brother has given me. I like living here in North Broomhill and hope I can continue to do so in future. Even if I have to move from this house I would like to stay in the area since it is a great mix of country and coast and the locals are pretty friendly in general.
I hope to be able to continue with my work as a trainer and will make every effort in my spare time to do a bit more writing and get the first tale in The Story finished so that I can move on to the next episode. I'll continue to drone on in this blog and try to be more regular with my posts to try and keep you abreast of my doings whether you want me to or not.
I'm not making any specific New Year resolutions as such but I'll try, as my Facebook friend Leigh Ann says, not to borrow trouble and just deal with whatever life throws at me. No what-ifs and over-thinking just get on with life and hope for the best.
Sorry if this has been a bit of a ramble, I have just written down what has come into my head without a plan of how it will pan out or where it is going, a bit like my life really.
Anyway, all I can say is I wish everyone a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous 2014. Peace and Love. ttfn
Tuesday 31 December 2013
Sunday 29 December 2013
On a different note...
... over the holidays I was talking with The Brother about a couple of people we used to know from Canada who were either related to my paternal grandmother or were friends my maternal uncle met whilst he was doing his RAF training in Winnipeg during WWII.
The first person had the first name of Beulah and was I think related to my grandma Ann Hall (nee Wilkinson) who lived in Heddon on the Wall, Northumberland.
The second was named Dolph or Dolf and was either related to the above grandma or was a friend of my uncle Ted (Edward) Clark (who was from Ryton in County Durham and latterly lived in Throckley near Newcastle upon Tyne) from his time in Canada during the war.
I know it's a long shot but I wonder if there is anyone out there in Canadian blog land who has any idea who these folks were and if they had any remaining family as I presume they are both likely to have passed on.
I remember reading a Christmas card from Beulah many years ago which said if my folks didn't respond she would not be back in touch. She was true to her word and that has always been a source of sadness to me.
Dolph came to visit us sometime, I think in the 1970's and again we lost touch. That also makes me sad that he came all this way and we never kept up the contact, or not to my knowledge anyway.
Our family has always been very bad at keeping in touch and I think it would be good to rectify that.
Strange what one thinks about at 4 in the morning.
Peace and Love. ttfn
The first person had the first name of Beulah and was I think related to my grandma Ann Hall (nee Wilkinson) who lived in Heddon on the Wall, Northumberland.
The second was named Dolph or Dolf and was either related to the above grandma or was a friend of my uncle Ted (Edward) Clark (who was from Ryton in County Durham and latterly lived in Throckley near Newcastle upon Tyne) from his time in Canada during the war.
I know it's a long shot but I wonder if there is anyone out there in Canadian blog land who has any idea who these folks were and if they had any remaining family as I presume they are both likely to have passed on.
I remember reading a Christmas card from Beulah many years ago which said if my folks didn't respond she would not be back in touch. She was true to her word and that has always been a source of sadness to me.
Dolph came to visit us sometime, I think in the 1970's and again we lost touch. That also makes me sad that he came all this way and we never kept up the contact, or not to my knowledge anyway.
Our family has always been very bad at keeping in touch and I think it would be good to rectify that.
Strange what one thinks about at 4 in the morning.
Peace and Love. ttfn
03:07 Sunday 29/12/13
So here I am, wide awake lying in bed with a kitty at my feet writing yet more drivel. Or not. Maybe what drips from my fingers onto the page will be the most inspirational post I've ever written. Or not. Sometimes I think about what I'm going to write on here and other times I just let my mind loose to write whatever comes forth. I'll let you dear reader decide what this post is.
Anyway, I spent most of yesterday in the club then came home for a curry, which was splendid. Both the club and the curry. I decided that an early night was in order so I was in bed by 10.30 pm. Now of course having woken up thirsty and gone for a drink I can't get back to sleep, hence my ramblings.
I also was having a horrible dream which was reliving, albeit in a slightly inaccurate fashion, Madame's leaving home back in 2012. That was not a pleasant experience, then or in my dream. I sincerely hope I don't have to go through another break-up although in order to do that I'll have to stay single as I think I'm incapable of sustaining a relationship.
But still, that is all in the past and as I said in my last ramblings I am going to try to be more optimistic in future.
Once the holidays are over I'm going to cut back drastically on my drink intake and try to lose enough weight to allow me to get into my linen suit for the Summer. It isn't that I plan to need to wear said suit it's just a good target to have rather than aim at a weight. I have some very good clothes which are currently useless as I am too much of a fat slob to get into them so rather than buy a new set of clothes I'm going to reduce my girth which will benefit both my pocket and my health. My pocket because I'll not be spending money on drink or new clothes and my health because I'll not be hauling around 60 pounds of extra blubber. The only extra pounds I want will be of the currency kind which as previously mentioned I will be saving by the aforementioned abstinence and lack of apparel purchasing.
Still enough from me for now. Until next time, Peace and Love, ttfn.
Anyway, I spent most of yesterday in the club then came home for a curry, which was splendid. Both the club and the curry. I decided that an early night was in order so I was in bed by 10.30 pm. Now of course having woken up thirsty and gone for a drink I can't get back to sleep, hence my ramblings.
I also was having a horrible dream which was reliving, albeit in a slightly inaccurate fashion, Madame's leaving home back in 2012. That was not a pleasant experience, then or in my dream. I sincerely hope I don't have to go through another break-up although in order to do that I'll have to stay single as I think I'm incapable of sustaining a relationship.
But still, that is all in the past and as I said in my last ramblings I am going to try to be more optimistic in future.
Once the holidays are over I'm going to cut back drastically on my drink intake and try to lose enough weight to allow me to get into my linen suit for the Summer. It isn't that I plan to need to wear said suit it's just a good target to have rather than aim at a weight. I have some very good clothes which are currently useless as I am too much of a fat slob to get into them so rather than buy a new set of clothes I'm going to reduce my girth which will benefit both my pocket and my health. My pocket because I'll not be spending money on drink or new clothes and my health because I'll not be hauling around 60 pounds of extra blubber. The only extra pounds I want will be of the currency kind which as previously mentioned I will be saving by the aforementioned abstinence and lack of apparel purchasing.
Still enough from me for now. Until next time, Peace and Love, ttfn.
Monday 23 December 2013
Filthy weather
The weather today is awful with strong winds and rain which means I can stay in, get a bit of The Story written and catch up on some reading. Added to the rubbish weather is the fact that the club is closed on a Monday so my nearest watering hole is The Trap which is somewhere I rarely venture as I don't really like it.
I hope that the Christmas Holidays are good this year. Last year they were marred by the delays in the completion of the house sale and the fact that I was still in a slough of despond following the decree absolute at the end of November. This year I am a little more upbeat and have made some decent acquaintances in the club to celebrate Christmas with. I will also feel a little happier spending Christmas day with The Brother and Sis-in-Law since at least the burden of the house sale has been removed.
I still wish somewhat to be able to spend time with Madame but realistically those days are gone and I should look to making the best of what is available rather than hankering for the unlikely.
So I will try to be a little more optimistic and in that spirit I wish my reader a very Merry Christmas.
Peace and Love x ttfn.
I hope that the Christmas Holidays are good this year. Last year they were marred by the delays in the completion of the house sale and the fact that I was still in a slough of despond following the decree absolute at the end of November. This year I am a little more upbeat and have made some decent acquaintances in the club to celebrate Christmas with. I will also feel a little happier spending Christmas day with The Brother and Sis-in-Law since at least the burden of the house sale has been removed.
I still wish somewhat to be able to spend time with Madame but realistically those days are gone and I should look to making the best of what is available rather than hankering for the unlikely.
So I will try to be a little more optimistic and in that spirit I wish my reader a very Merry Christmas.
Peace and Love x ttfn.
Saturday 21 December 2013
Holiday time.
My Christmas Holidays started yesterday and as the club was open all day I decided that having done my last few bits of shopping I would reward myself with a wee drinkie.
Well, a wee drinkie was followed by another wee drinkie and another and another, you get the picture I presume. Anyway, all I can say is vodka and irn bru erase memory, I don't remember last night at all, or maybe that's overstating it, I do remember the majority, just not leaving and getting home and what I did once I got here. My hat is hanging where it normally hangs so at least I didn't lose it or leave it behind in the club which is a plus.
So having started my holidays with a wee drinkie, today I will be staying in to dry out and listen to the Newcastle match on the radio. There's no UK live tv coverage today as the kick off is 3pm and the tv companies aren't allowed to show 3pm Saturday kick-offs due to an old rule from way back which has never been recinded. It was put in place originally to encourage attendance at games when they all kicked off at 3pm on a Saturday.
Having said that I'll not be drinking today I may have a small celebratory one in the house if they win but otherwise I'll keep off the drink to allow my liver a respite, poor thing.
Off for a cup of char now so Merry Christmas and ttfn.
Well, a wee drinkie was followed by another wee drinkie and another and another, you get the picture I presume. Anyway, all I can say is vodka and irn bru erase memory, I don't remember last night at all, or maybe that's overstating it, I do remember the majority, just not leaving and getting home and what I did once I got here. My hat is hanging where it normally hangs so at least I didn't lose it or leave it behind in the club which is a plus.
So having started my holidays with a wee drinkie, today I will be staying in to dry out and listen to the Newcastle match on the radio. There's no UK live tv coverage today as the kick off is 3pm and the tv companies aren't allowed to show 3pm Saturday kick-offs due to an old rule from way back which has never been recinded. It was put in place originally to encourage attendance at games when they all kicked off at 3pm on a Saturday.
Having said that I'll not be drinking today I may have a small celebratory one in the house if they win but otherwise I'll keep off the drink to allow my liver a respite, poor thing.
Off for a cup of char now so Merry Christmas and ttfn.
Tuesday 17 December 2013
Enjoyable.
I've just had a couple of very interesting and enjoyable days at our trainer conference yesterday and today. I came away with a lot of positive thoughts and have met up with friends old and new from all over the UK. I've reminisced and taken the mickey, been sad at the loss of former colleagues and been happy to bump into folks I haven't seen or spoken to in many moons. All in all a very positive experience.
Speaking of positive things I just listened to Porky Pig singing Blue Christmas, what a hoot, makes me shed tears of laughter each time I hear it.
All I have to hope is that I can now channel this positive mood, maintain it through the Christmas Holidays, which I've found tough in the past and carry it forward into 2014 and beyond. I really hope I've turned a corner and can look on the brighter side of life and try to be more positive in the future.
I'm pretty sure I wrote, or maybe just thought something similar this time last year but then I was in a bad place, waiting for the sale of the house to complete and so on still mourning (if that is the right word) the loss of my marriage which I had hoped would last.
Still, that was then and this is now so I must stop looking back and aim for a happier future, alone or in a partnership and be more positive, remember that I have a plan and be content with my lot in life.
ttfn.
Oh, and here's Porky:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg7HvF3a_Iw&feature=share
Speaking of positive things I just listened to Porky Pig singing Blue Christmas, what a hoot, makes me shed tears of laughter each time I hear it.
All I have to hope is that I can now channel this positive mood, maintain it through the Christmas Holidays, which I've found tough in the past and carry it forward into 2014 and beyond. I really hope I've turned a corner and can look on the brighter side of life and try to be more positive in the future.
I'm pretty sure I wrote, or maybe just thought something similar this time last year but then I was in a bad place, waiting for the sale of the house to complete and so on still mourning (if that is the right word) the loss of my marriage which I had hoped would last.
Still, that was then and this is now so I must stop looking back and aim for a happier future, alone or in a partnership and be more positive, remember that I have a plan and be content with my lot in life.
ttfn.
Oh, and here's Porky:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pg7HvF3a_Iw&feature=share
Sunday 8 December 2013
I don't know, I hate this.
It is now coming up to the first anniversary of my moving out of the old place. The anniversaries of Madame leaving and the divorce going through have been and gone whilst the Christmas holidays are fast approaching. All of this has made me try to evaluate my current position.
I am living alone in a rented house which I might have to move out of at two months notice and find somewhere else that will take pets. I have some savings and I'm enjoying my work. The main problem is that I'm alone and still hanker after Madame's return. This of course is something that will never happen, she is now engaged to someone new and has made a new life for herself back in the USA, it would take a miracle for her to want to come back.
I am entirely lost as to what to do next, I must get past the desire for something I can't have and try to search for that which I can. The problem is I don't know how.
I am close to giving up. ttfn
I am living alone in a rented house which I might have to move out of at two months notice and find somewhere else that will take pets. I have some savings and I'm enjoying my work. The main problem is that I'm alone and still hanker after Madame's return. This of course is something that will never happen, she is now engaged to someone new and has made a new life for herself back in the USA, it would take a miracle for her to want to come back.
I am entirely lost as to what to do next, I must get past the desire for something I can't have and try to search for that which I can. The problem is I don't know how.
I am close to giving up. ttfn
Friday 6 December 2013
4 Months.
4 months, that's how long its been since I last added anything to The Story or did any writing for that matter. I have been stuck on what Bob should do next and this has discouraged me from looking at my writing folder. I need some inspiration from somewhere, perhaps something dramatic will have to happen to push Bob away from Cleveland and further out towards California where the bulk of his life will take place. Whether he goes with Helen or alone is the question. I'm reluctant to kill her off but I'm not sure how else Bob will become the sad, disillusioned chap he needs to be to make The Story work. If I want him to have offspring so that I can keep The Story going into future generations Helen will either have to die giving birth or stay in the story and some other catastrophe hit the two of them to make them move. Another option of course is for Helen to be the one moving on alone although I'm not sure how historically accurate that would be for the late 1860's. Maybe Bob will have to be written out and Helen moves West in her grief and becomes a hard-bitten saloon keeper in California and The Story can revolve around her life. It's something to consider and consider it I shall.
Watch this space. ttfn.
Monday 2 December 2013
It's been a while...
...since my last post. I haven't much felt like writing on here or anywhere else lately. It really gets to me still that Madame has moved on and I am left sitting surrounded by my thoughts and feelings that I can't seem to shake off.
For my own mental, and physical, since I'm still drinking way to much, wellbeing I need to get it into my thick skull that she has gone and is making a new life which only includes me when it suits her.
She has no finer feelings left for me. She may say she wants me to find someone new and be happy and I'm sure she means that but it is also because she wants me off her back.
She only keeps in touch to use my address as her UK base because I'm daft enough to want to let her so that I can keep some pathetic link between us which she would happily see broken because she is happy now with her new home and relationship and I am left wallowing in jealousy and regret and anger because I still want her around and angry with her for not wanting to be around me.
It's a vicious circle which will only be broken when I have the balls to say fuck it I've had enough and get all her stuff into a container and send it to her c/o her sister because I don't have her actual address and just cut the string and float away.
I'm scared to do that until I can find someone who will support me and love me and that person is nowhere to be seen. Perhaps I'm in the wrong place and need to move and start a whole new life away from it all but where? Having said that I am in a new place and maybe I should sort my life out and go where I will meet people who aren't... oh I give up, I'm deluding myself if I think I'm ever going to find someone, I'm fat, bald and old, who will want me? I thought I'd found my soulmate in Madame and that went tits up so I may as well just accept that I'm past it and get on with what life I have and stop wishing her back or someone new to come into my life.
This rant was brought to you by my jealousy on finding out that Madame in in Paris with her fiance.
I really have had enough. ttfn
For my own mental, and physical, since I'm still drinking way to much, wellbeing I need to get it into my thick skull that she has gone and is making a new life which only includes me when it suits her.
She has no finer feelings left for me. She may say she wants me to find someone new and be happy and I'm sure she means that but it is also because she wants me off her back.
She only keeps in touch to use my address as her UK base because I'm daft enough to want to let her so that I can keep some pathetic link between us which she would happily see broken because she is happy now with her new home and relationship and I am left wallowing in jealousy and regret and anger because I still want her around and angry with her for not wanting to be around me.
It's a vicious circle which will only be broken when I have the balls to say fuck it I've had enough and get all her stuff into a container and send it to her c/o her sister because I don't have her actual address and just cut the string and float away.
I'm scared to do that until I can find someone who will support me and love me and that person is nowhere to be seen. Perhaps I'm in the wrong place and need to move and start a whole new life away from it all but where? Having said that I am in a new place and maybe I should sort my life out and go where I will meet people who aren't... oh I give up, I'm deluding myself if I think I'm ever going to find someone, I'm fat, bald and old, who will want me? I thought I'd found my soulmate in Madame and that went tits up so I may as well just accept that I'm past it and get on with what life I have and stop wishing her back or someone new to come into my life.
This rant was brought to you by my jealousy on finding out that Madame in in Paris with her fiance.
I really have had enough. ttfn
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