Dangling Albert-A cautionary tale.

Albert clung to the ledge by his fingertips wondering why he had thought this climbing trip to the Lakes had seemed such a good idea.
It all began over a glass of rum one fine Spring evening when Albert had decided that he would benefit from a bit of exercise. Now when I say a glass of rum I don't mean a glass of rum; what I mean is best part of a bottle, Albert not being a chap inclined to do things by half. In fact the only halves Albert drank were the top halves of pints on his way to the bottom of the glass. Anyway, I digress; there was Albert sitting in his local contemplating his total lack of fitness and thinking that some fresh air and exercise would be just the ticket. The last time Albert had taken any exercise had been sometime in the last Century, the last Millennium in fact so to say that he was not at the peak of his fitness would be something of an understatement.
He decide therefore that a walk in the Lakeland Fells would be a good start. Now, any sensible person in Albert's state would have started off gently and progressed to greater things a little at a time. We aren't, however talking about any sensible person we are talking about Albert. So foregoing a stroll along the beach and perhaps a wander up a small Lakeland Fell Albert went straight to the point and decided upon Helvellyn as his starter.
Weeks passed, howdy weeks, and Albert was still in contemplation mode until finally gently spurred or shall we say goaded by the gentle ribbing (merciless abuse) of his drinking companions he finally bit the bullet and named the fateful day. Not that he imagined that it would be fateful at the time. So on the dull Saturday of an August Bank Holiday weekend Albert climbed into his rusty van and set off on his adventure, Albert pulled into the car park of a pub at the foot of his target and decided that he deserved some light refreshment before his trek commenced. This light refreshment consisted of three pints of Old Peculier which one might think is a very peculiar light refreshment for someone who a) was undertaking the first steps of his new fitness regime, b) had driven to his destination and was planning on driving back and c) was about to attempt one of the hardest fell walks in the Lake District and one would be correct.
Suitably refreshed off our hero went in his ancient walking gear of 30 year old boots and equally venerable walking trousers and flannel shirt. We might note at this point that Albert had decided to forgo such frivolities as a coat, map, compass, food or water considering that they would only slow him down.
Albert sauntered the half mile from the pub to the fell feeling highly encouraged by his light refreshments and the thought of his new regime getting off to such a good start. This mild euphoria lasted until he rounded a bend and came slap bang up to what appeared to Albert to be the North Face of the Eiger looming out of the gloom. Ah, the gloom; I may have neglected to tell you that what with the drive to the Lake District and his refreshment break time had somewhat crept up on Albert and although it was Summer and the evening should be light this was an English Summer and as is traditional for a Bank Holiday weekend the day was dull and dank.
Nothing daunted off Albert went up the fell, up and up he went, each ridge line seeming like it should be the top only to laugh in his face and present him with a still steeper stage to conquer. As he climbed Albert became more and more tired and disoriented until finally the inevitable happened and Albert slipped in some loose rocks and tumbled over the edge of a not inconsiderable cliff. Which is where we came in with Albert hanging by his fingertips wondering why he had thought this climbing trip to the Lakes had seemed such a good idea.
The end.
Peace and Love, ttfn. x

A sunny Wednesday

It's a lovely sunny day out there. I'm in the flat finishing off my self assessment for work, yes I finally found a way to get around to working out what to say. It's been a tortuous route but I'm nearly done so I thought I'd take a short break and write a few words on here then get back to it with fresh eyes.
Spring is nearly upon us as is my retirement day so soon I'll be able to concentrate on my new creative life. Before that I'll be travelling all over the Southern Counties of England delivery training and saying goodbye to people, many of whom I'll miss but some I'll be glad to see the back of. Odd isn't it how we can gel with some people but others just set the old hackles rising as soon as they appear on the horizon. I wonder why that is, I suppose we can't like everyone though it would be great if everyone could get along. The world would be a much more pleasant place to live it that were the case, still it isn't and I guess I'm living in cloud cuckoo land expecting anything other that what we have. People can be horrible when they want to be, myself included, I suppose it's the primeval self preservation, kill or be killed instinct still in our DNA that makes us so.
Anyway, philosophy was never my strong point so I guess I'll just have to seek out the good folks and ignore the rest where possible.
Right, back to the grind. Peace and Love x ttfn

Spring

The daylight hours are starting to increase heralding the onset of Spring. We will put the clocks forward in just over a month meaning lighter nights and more daylight which is a wonderful thing. It would be great if we could have some decent weather this Spring and Summer to make up of for the cold wet and windy Winter just now leaving us. Undoubtedly we will be due some more cold and maybe even snow in the next few weeks but it would be grand if we could have a warm(ish) dry and calm Easter holiday to enjoy to help us all throw off the Winter shroud and get some sun on our backs.
Spring, don't you just love it?
Peace and Love x ttfn

Can't get it done.

I'm trying to write my end of year work self assessment and I'm finding it a little difficult. If staring out of the window with a blank look on my face was an Olympic sport I'd be a shoo-in for the gold medal. I've never been very good at evaluating myself so this really is a toughie.
I know I'm pretty good at what I do but I find it hard to set it down on paper. The feedback I get is generally good, it's the self improvement/development bit I can't get. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and there are areas I know that I can get better at, I just can't figure out exactly what these areas are or how to improve them; the thing is that as I'm retiring at the end of April, I'm not sure if I've mentioned that before but it's true, anyway as I say since I'll not be doing the job or any job other than writing The Tale after April I'm not able to see the point of the looking forward bit. Perhaps I should just say that I'll make sure everything is up to date and tidied up before the great day and leave it at that.
Also, it looks lovely outside which makes me want to go out but the guilt of not being able to get this darned report done is holding me in my seat with said blank look on the old fizzog. Coffee and choccy biccies hasn't worked and there's no rum in the flat so that's a no-go as well. I might change my angle and stare blankly at Thomas Kitty instead, I'm sure to get some inspiration from that slumbering furry gent. His high energy levels always help spur me into action, not.
I suppose I should get back to the grind, even though not much is being ground at the mo.
Peace and Love. x ttfn

I started.

I started to write a post about what fun I was going to have after my retirement and how much writing I was going to do and how I loved Spring so much before I realised that I was boring myself let alone my reader. I think I 'll wait until I have something funny or controversial to say before I write any more on here.
I'm at the point where it seems all I write about is retirement and sitting at the beach. I will refrain from writing about me,me,me all the time and try to come up with some better subject matter in future. Until I can come up with stuff people want to read I'll keep my gob shut.
Until a poem or some interesting subject comes to mind I will maintain radio silence and stop being so boring and self-absorbed. So Peace and Love. x ttfn

It's Saturday.

As the train of the working week bumps into the buffers of the weekend I'm sitting with my friend Thomas Kitty, TK to his friends, waiting for a loaf of bread to finish cooking and the tomato sauce I'm making to boil down sufficiently. This weekend is the first in a while where I'm not spending the whole time getting ready for a trip away, I can catch up on reading and chores and sitting around. And, as my bosses appear not to have noticed that I have space on my calendar I plan to use the next work week and a bit to catch up on admin and rest. March is going to busy so I need to be in peak condition (Hah!)
The good thing is that any (man it's hard to see through a cat's head) travel will be for pleasure not work soon and I'll be able to cook, read, travel and write to my heart's content or just sit at the beach at unusual times and watch the tide rise and fall, or should that be ebb and flow? I can't express how much I'm looking forward to freedom day and the end to wage slavery and the transition into pension poverty.
I have to say that the prospect of not having to sit on trains with crisp munchers, drink slurpers and loud conversation holders is a very attractive one. I know I'm being intolerant but 3 or 4 hours of that sort of thing can grate on the old nerves. I'm sure people forget that there are other people around them sometimes, like the nose pickers in cars who drive along unpacking their trunk as if they were in the comfort of their own home. I will definitely pick my times, rather than my nose, to travel by rail or drive depending on my destination.
The bread is now done and the sauce is cooking down nicely, TK is purring in my ear at one minute and clambering all over me the next, I get the feeling he misses me, he's even taken to sleeping on the bed again, something he hasn't done in eons. It's true by the way that cats are not see-through, and typing through them is an impossible njapjbjv;pbv job, sorry that was TK joining in. I think njapjbjv;pbv may be cat for 'stop talking about me; I'm only here you know'.
Anyway, I'm off to stir my sauce, not a euphemism, and generally mooch around so until next time; Peace and Love, ttfn.

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