Driving back...

from Alnwick this morning I was struck by how beautiful Northumberland is in the Autumn. The trees are just beginning to turn and there was a slight mist just being burned off by the early morning sunshine. There was little traffic about and the peace was such that you could nearly taste it.
Now Northumberland is lovely at any time of year but I think it really does blossom in the Autumn, I don't know what it is, it just seems that the whole landscape takes on a gentler mode. It makes one glad to be so lucky as to be living in such a wonderful place.
That more people don't visit has always amazed me. In the Summer months the main A1 road is crowded with cars full of people from all parts of the UK and beyond all going through the county to Scotland without even a sideways glance. Perhaps if a few of them took a moment to look around them they would realise that perhaps a detour might be in order to take in the wonderful coastline, historic houses and castles or the rugged moorland. Still, the fact is that they don't and it really is their loss.
Anyway, enough of this waxing lyrical about my home county. I'm off to make a cup of tea (Ringtons, of course) and consider trying to move The Story along. I have neglected poor Bob for too long and I must rectify the situation. These tales won't write themselves and if I'm ever going to become a published writer I really ought to write.
So Peace and Love until next time, ttfn.
PS. I was really rather pleased this morning to discover that the wonderful actress Minnie Driver had followed me on Twitter. It made me happy for some unknown reason. A lovely lady.
Right, ttfn again.

So.

I left home in 1979 at the age of 20. I lived alone until 1982 when I lived for 12 months with my first wife. From 1983 to 1988 I lived alone. I then stayed at home for 12 months with my parents. In 1989 I started living alone again until 2003 when Madame and I started living together. She left in September 2012 and I lived alone until December 2012. I started living alone again in March 2013 and am still living a singleton life with little prospect of that changing in the foreseeable future.
That all means I have been living alone for nearly 24 years out of the last 34. You'd think I would be used to it by now.

I'm not. ttfn

Being on your own...

....can be awful because you sleep alone, awaken alone, go out alone, come home alone, eat alone, shop alone, holiday alone.
Being alone can also be good because you sleep alone, awaken alone, go out alone, come home alone, eat alone, shop alone, holiday alone.
Sometimes though it is difficult to not have a hand to hold, or other physical contact which shall remain nameless here or a friendly ear to hear how your day was.
Still you have to make the best of what life has handed you I guess so onwards my friends.
Love and Peace ttfn x

I hate being single

I said this the other day on both Twitter and Facebook. Thinking about it, I do hate being single but not so much that I will go out with anyone just to be in a couple. That wouldn't be fair on them, or me and would end badly as have most, if not all of my relationships.
My problem is that I am fine at the start and then can either become possessive or take the person for-granted. Neither of which is a good way to maintain a good relationship with someone.
I am very insecure and that means I cannot believe that anyone would want to waste their time with me when they could be off having a better time with someone else. It seems that attitude is a self fulfilling prophesy in that everyone I have ever cared for has done just that.
I will need an adjustment in my attitude towards any new partner who enters my life or the rocky road to singleness will be trodden again, assuming that a new partner does show up. There's no guarantee that will happen so until it does I will take each day as it comes and make the best of what life sends my way.

Peace and Love x ttfn

I must...

...stop hankering for that which I can't have and make the best of that which I do.
I have a job, a roof over my head, enough money to get by on, friends (albeit far away and dispersed) who care about me and reasonable health (although I need to lose some weight) so I am much better placed in life than many people and I really should appreciate all this and stop 'wishing I was happy'. I have nothing to be unhappy about when you look at the great scheme of things.
So, I must live my life and realise that what has to be will be and just get on with it.

I hope that anyone else with a similar mindset to mine can take this on and do the same.

Love and Peace x.  ttfn

Sunday 15 November 2013.

It's 5.30 pm and I'm sitting here on the settee with a kitty asleep by my side and the wind blowing a hoolie outside although at least the rain has stopped and the sun has come out.
I don't have anything special to say today, I just thought that as it's been a couple of weeks I'd better come and say hello.
Hello.
I've booked a trip to Las Vegas for early November because I haven't had a proper holiday in ages and it's about time I did. It will be strange going to America alone again after all those years of travelling with Madame but I hope by doing so I will finally lay a few ghosts and be able to move on.
My hankering for her return has subsided as time passes. It's a year now since she went and our contact is restricted to playing Words with Friends on Facebook and the occasional message relating to post that has arrived for her.
 I consigned to history any hope of her returning home to me when she announced her engagement to the man she used to communicate on Facebook Cafe World with as our marriage went down the pan. She is now amongst that group of people with whom I am emotionally close but physically far apart from. I guess as time passes she will disappear from my life in the same way as many have, who knows? It is not under my control so I must go with what the fates decide.
Forcing issues has never got me anywhere other than to push away those people and things I most wanted to keep close or to have. I have a history of over-playing my hand at inopportune times and losing what I wanted so my watchword is now the saying my dear departed Mam used to use; 'what has to be will be'.
On that note I will be off, wishing you Love and Peace. ttfn x

Here I am...

in yet another hotel room ready to work for a couple of days in Leeds so I thought a short ramble would be a good idea to keep me out of the pub.
This 'diet' and 'exercise' regime I have allegedly put myself on is not doing the job. It has a flaw in that I can't keep out of the bloody pub! It it much too conveniently situated, so I go along every evening because the company is good and it stops me from being lonely.
This has to stop before I burst, so from today, note from today, not tomorrow, I am going to restrict myself to no more than three nights a week in pubs. So for example, this week as I'm away I'll go tomorrow for dinner to a pub, then when I get home on Wednesday night I will not go out again until Saturday. This will halve my beer consumption at a stroke and along with the healthier eating which I have succeeded in undertaking should make the weight start to come down so that the gym and the cycling will become a little easier thereby also assisting in the loss of flab.
 I hope this works because I'm heartily sick of being a blob.
Anyway, on a different note I was watching a programme on TV about people who had lost a loved one in the 9/11 attacks and it made me re-evaluate my whole attitude to what I have lost. My loss is paltry in comparison, and although it seems a huge thing to me I now realise that in the great scheme of things it is not such a big deal and I should get on with my life.
I'm sure at times I will feel down but that is part of what I am, I need to realise that the only person who can bring me out of these dips is me and by trying to be rational about what goes on in my life I can see obstacles for what they are; opportunities to move on in a slightly (or completely) different way and not blockages to rest my head against and wail that I can't get past them and give up.
I've had many experiences in life, both good and bad and I'm still here, so onwards and upwards. With that in mind and after months of havering and wavering I finally found it in me to book my first solo holiday in I don't know how long. I'm going to Las Vegas to do a spot of light gambling, watch a couple of shows and live a little. It's been too long living vicariously through others, my life is my own and I intend to live it, anyone who wishes to join in can do so but I refuse to allow myself to be brought down any longer.

“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” 
― Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture 

Per Ardua Ad Astra my friends. Peace and Love x