A new beginning

My divorce came through this week. My second. To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, to lose one marriage is unfortunate but to lose two smacks of carelessness and that is pretty much how I feel about the whole thing just now.
 In retrospect my first marriage was a mistake, I was young and away from home for the first time. I grasped on to the first person who showed any affection in a strange town and it ended up as a bit of a disaster for all involved. Both our lives are better for having split up all those years ago. Not that it felt like that at the time.
This second attempt was a little more successful. However it has still ended in divorce. The point this time is that we remain in communication with each other and I think we will remain friends, I feel that we were both a bit defensive and stubborn lately and that feeling has been released, at least for me and I hope for her as well.
We can now let time and fate take us where we are meant to go rather than struggle on and try to influence that which we have no control over. Interestingly we had agreed to not finalise the divorce but it seems that it went through anyway but we are where we are and not much we can do about it.
I have to say that I feel quite sanguine about the whole situation, the deed has now been done so that is one less thing to worry about and if we do end up deciding we've made a mistake well there is nothing stopping us from starting again. We don't even need to remarry we could just keep calm and carry on to coin a phrase.
If, however we go our separate ways completely and either end up with other people or stay single I think that we will still have a connection and be able to remain friendly with one another, there is no law that says you have to be enemies with an ex. In fact I think our relationship may be better semi-detached as we can get together when we want and be apart when we feel the need. I think that there was an element of feeling trapped for both of us which caused a lot of tension and led to the behaviour which finally broke the marriage up. That tension has now been removed and with the obstacle gone we can relax a little and get along much better. Fingers crossed.
No one can predict the future, as my dear old mam used to say, what has to be will be. I think we can look to the future with optimism, live for today and let tomorrow look after itself. Life is too short to get strung up on what might have been. We have to accept the hand we have been dealt and live in hope.
It is the hope that we can both be happier in our new situation that makes me more optimistic for the future. I have generally been one who is scared to hope for the best because the worst might happen. That way of thinking is often self fulfilling, it is like you are glad that the worst happened so that you can say see, I told you so and remain in the dark place, never allowing yourself to be happy. All things change, that seems to be the way life is. By learning to embrace change as a positive thing and move forward instead of clinging on to the familiar when it is the familiar that is keeping you in the dark place one can open the blinds and let the light of optimism and hope in to dispel the darkness.
I don't know what the future holds, no-one can. What one can do is take the future by the hand and make it your friend. In fact I suppose there is no such thing as the future. As the old saying goes, tomorrow never comes. It is today when it arrives.
Live for today as you never know how many more todays you have left.
I'm not suggesting that there shouldn't be contingency plans in place. I fully intend to try and put a little aside for a rainy day out of the house proceeds. What I am saying is that I'm going to stop over-thinking everything and trying to imagine every possible thing that could go wrong, that way leads to depression and don't I know it.
I propose to deal with life as it flows by, plan for the things I know I need to do such as work trips and buying a new place and deal with the unexpected when it occurs, that's why it's called the unexpected.
I spent too much time trying to second guess life and forgot how to live it. That cost me my second marriage. I hope to be able to kindle a new relationship with madame based on my refreshed ethos; if not, well I'll see where fate takes us.
I'll stop now before I ramble further.
With love and affection to all. Per Ardua Ad Astra my friends.