...the new year and I don't feel any better than I did 365 days into the old one. Life is no different, the same issues cloud my mind all that has changed is a 4 at the end of the date instead of a 3.
I wish I could be a bit more optimistic, there really is no reason not to be, it is just a personality trait of mine that I am a gloom-monger. I don't want to be, I wish that I could be one of those sunny dispositioned people who jog along and always look on the bright side. I have always been one of those "light at the end of the tunnel is a train coming" types and I don't know how to change it. Maybe some toast will help.
Anyway, I was out both Old Years Night and New Years Day and at the end of each session I was still left disappointed and lonely. Everyone seemed to have someone to go home to and once again I came home to an empty house, well not quite as the kitties were here to greet me but for all intents and purposes an empty house as those two are not the best conversationalists I've ever met.
What to do? I ask myself. How do I move on from this mental trough I find myself in? I go from optimism at the end of the year to pessimism at the start and have done for as long as I can remember. I need to break this chain and would like something positive to help me do it. Trouble is I don't know what or when or how to change my attitude and move forward away from all the needs and desires that are holding me back so that I can be happy with what I have and stop yearning for that which I can't.
All of the above seems so familiar to me, I must have said or written these or similar words a hundred times and no answer will come.
Ah well, let fate take control again I suppose because I sure as hell can't help myself out of this current trough, I'll have to just hope for the best. ttfn
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