It's quarter to nine on a Sunday evening and I've been thinking that all I've posted on here lately are a lot of poems and not much comment. The truth is I haven't felt much like writing lately. I'm just treading water at the moment.
I had a great few days in Holland last month and there are a couple of trips to look forward to at Christmas and Easter but still there is a feeling of sadness lurking just beneath the surface of my daily life.
I can't put my finger on why though, it is just a low-level feeling of drifting along with no particular direction. I know what would help, I should clear out all the stuff that has been sitting around since the great schism of 2012 and move on. Easier to say than to do. The issue is, move on to what?
I don't know what I need. A relationship? Perhaps although I'm pretty good at buggering those up so I'm not sure that would improve my mood. Loads of money? Again, that would be pleasant but I get by so hey ho.
I am at a loss. Maybe I need to set to and clear out the detritus of my old life and go with the flow. Ah, the flow. A great idea going with the flow. It's something I've been trying to do for ages and here I am still bumping up against the river bank like an abandoned boat. Time to start the engine and navigate, drifting on the tide is getting me nowhere. To have a direction though I will need a destination and thereby lies the rub, I see no destination that is attractive to me.
I imagine by now, if you've read this far you'll be thinking what a load of waffle, feel free to do so. I find it cathartic to write down my thoughts and share them with whoever cares to read this drivel. I also keep a journal and that helps as well but putting my heart on my sleeve in a relatively public forum does make me feel like I'm having a chat with an old friend.
It is an old friend who doesn't judge but lets me talk, ramble if you like and get stuff off my chest which I would otherwise bottle up and stew over to no positive end.
Still, tomorrow is another day when I may well get some whoop-de-doop from somewhere to give my craft a shove back into the mainstream and allow me to actually be happy rather than just pretending. Not that I'm so good at pretending as those who know my Eeyorish tendencies would attest to.
So as it's now nine fifteen I'll say ttfn and be kind to one another. Peace and Love. x
If you are going to move forward you need to get rid of the past. Not forget it or regret it, just get rid of it and move on.
ReplyDeleteWhen the past is gone, the future will take care of itself if you live in the present.
Just my opinion.