Tuesday, 24 July 2012
A new day
08:40. I'm working at home today, so obviously I am on the computer writing in my blog. It's interesting that after so long being on Twitter and restricted to 140 characters I find myself thinking in the shorthand that I would use on there as I write on here. Note to self, you can ramble on as much as you like on here, that's what the title of the blog is all about.
Anyway, today will be a stream of consciousness day, I'll be nipping in and out, adding bits as they come to mind. This will probably make it all somewhat disjointed. If so, you will see what my mind is like every day.
I'm off to drink my coffee before it gets any colder and to have a look at Twitter and Facebook before delving into work. Back later.
09:15. A thought just struck me whilst I was 'ahem' working. I must avoid using these blog entries as a vehicle for self justification as to how I ended up in my current predicament. I got myself into this by retreating into online gambling instead of fronting up to the problems staring me in the face. As much as I would like to blame others and as much as their current actions pain me, I have to accept that had I dealt with the issues early enough all this could have been avoided. A lesson learnt? I hope so.
10:45. Still not struck a bat but I'll get myself motivated after lunch and work later this evening. I was thinking a second ago that I wish I'd never set eyes on a certain person, then thought, no. I would have missed out on some good times even though they are being overshadowed presently by the bad. I will always be grateful to have had the time I did. I want things to be better and to stop feeling low. Having said that I think I will have to go through this valley a little longer before the open plains of happiness spread out before me. I'm trying to think of it as a learning experience. Next time or from now on if things turn out as I would hope I will have taken a valuable lesson away. That is, don't retreat into yourself, get help.
11:05. Of course it's good to remember that alcohol and gambling don't mix. Alcohol reduces inhibitions and the ability to make sensible decisions thereby allowing you to gamble with money you don't really have. If I was asked to give advice to anyone it would be don't gamble and if you must, don't drink whilst you are doing it. I'm living proof of where it gets you and where I am is not a happy place.
11:25. About to have brunch but while it's cooking I thought I would share this nugget. I contemplated killing myself on a number of occasions. Do you know what stopped me? It was the thought that some poor soul would have to clear up the mess afterwards.
12:00. I promise I'll get started soon. I really should stop dwelling on what might have been and hoping for a change of heart but it's difficult to look forward when all you can see is obstacles. Maybe I should look at them as opportunities and plan for a happier future. The thing is though I've never really been much of a planner in the great scheme of things. I spend too much time worrying and not enough time doing. Sorry, this is turning into a bit of a whinge-fest; maybe I'll give it a rest for an hour or so then come back to it. I'll not change anything I've written because this is a note of my thoughts today but I must try and be more positive.
12:25. Having said I would be more positive, I'm really cheesed that through my own mistakes I'm losing a place I've been associated with for over 50 years. It'll be a sad day when I have to leave. I need a miracle to happen to allow me to stay.
13:00. £4k for a divorce solicitor with £500 up front! Wish I'd paid more attention at school and become a lawyer. Plus fees for selling the house and moving costs. Expensive time. Don't gamble as an avenue of escape is my advice. Along with sort your problems out early.
13:10. Oh, and try to avoid divorce at all costs. Compromise is a wonderful thing.
14:00. I can't keep my eyes open trying to read this review document. Time for a short snooze then maybe I'll feel a bit more up to getting on with it.
15:50. Well the snooze was a fitful 30 minutes and didn't help my motivation at all. Nor did emptying the dishwasher. I think I might have to put today down as holiday and try again tomorrow. If I get an early night, set the alarm for my normal time and do all the usual stuff as if I was going into the office I might actually get the work done. It's not as if it's difficult, I just can't be bothered to do it. This is a symptom of my generally low mood and lack of motivation. I need something good to happen to raise my mood and motivate me. Offers on a postcard please.
16:05. What I need is to pay my debts off and save my marriage. I am gradually doing the former and have no control over the latter. I need to be able to move forward and not have to worry all the time. Sorry slipped into maudlin mode again. Back later.
17:00. I think I've written enough for today. I hope I feel better tomorrow and can be a little more positive.
Anyway, today will be a stream of consciousness day, I'll be nipping in and out, adding bits as they come to mind. This will probably make it all somewhat disjointed. If so, you will see what my mind is like every day.
I'm off to drink my coffee before it gets any colder and to have a look at Twitter and Facebook before delving into work. Back later.
09:15. A thought just struck me whilst I was 'ahem' working. I must avoid using these blog entries as a vehicle for self justification as to how I ended up in my current predicament. I got myself into this by retreating into online gambling instead of fronting up to the problems staring me in the face. As much as I would like to blame others and as much as their current actions pain me, I have to accept that had I dealt with the issues early enough all this could have been avoided. A lesson learnt? I hope so.
10:45. Still not struck a bat but I'll get myself motivated after lunch and work later this evening. I was thinking a second ago that I wish I'd never set eyes on a certain person, then thought, no. I would have missed out on some good times even though they are being overshadowed presently by the bad. I will always be grateful to have had the time I did. I want things to be better and to stop feeling low. Having said that I think I will have to go through this valley a little longer before the open plains of happiness spread out before me. I'm trying to think of it as a learning experience. Next time or from now on if things turn out as I would hope I will have taken a valuable lesson away. That is, don't retreat into yourself, get help.
11:05. Of course it's good to remember that alcohol and gambling don't mix. Alcohol reduces inhibitions and the ability to make sensible decisions thereby allowing you to gamble with money you don't really have. If I was asked to give advice to anyone it would be don't gamble and if you must, don't drink whilst you are doing it. I'm living proof of where it gets you and where I am is not a happy place.
11:25. About to have brunch but while it's cooking I thought I would share this nugget. I contemplated killing myself on a number of occasions. Do you know what stopped me? It was the thought that some poor soul would have to clear up the mess afterwards.
12:00. I promise I'll get started soon. I really should stop dwelling on what might have been and hoping for a change of heart but it's difficult to look forward when all you can see is obstacles. Maybe I should look at them as opportunities and plan for a happier future. The thing is though I've never really been much of a planner in the great scheme of things. I spend too much time worrying and not enough time doing. Sorry, this is turning into a bit of a whinge-fest; maybe I'll give it a rest for an hour or so then come back to it. I'll not change anything I've written because this is a note of my thoughts today but I must try and be more positive.
12:25. Having said I would be more positive, I'm really cheesed that through my own mistakes I'm losing a place I've been associated with for over 50 years. It'll be a sad day when I have to leave. I need a miracle to happen to allow me to stay.
13:00. £4k for a divorce solicitor with £500 up front! Wish I'd paid more attention at school and become a lawyer. Plus fees for selling the house and moving costs. Expensive time. Don't gamble as an avenue of escape is my advice. Along with sort your problems out early.
13:10. Oh, and try to avoid divorce at all costs. Compromise is a wonderful thing.
14:00. I can't keep my eyes open trying to read this review document. Time for a short snooze then maybe I'll feel a bit more up to getting on with it.
15:50. Well the snooze was a fitful 30 minutes and didn't help my motivation at all. Nor did emptying the dishwasher. I think I might have to put today down as holiday and try again tomorrow. If I get an early night, set the alarm for my normal time and do all the usual stuff as if I was going into the office I might actually get the work done. It's not as if it's difficult, I just can't be bothered to do it. This is a symptom of my generally low mood and lack of motivation. I need something good to happen to raise my mood and motivate me. Offers on a postcard please.
16:05. What I need is to pay my debts off and save my marriage. I am gradually doing the former and have no control over the latter. I need to be able to move forward and not have to worry all the time. Sorry slipped into maudlin mode again. Back later.
17:00. I think I've written enough for today. I hope I feel better tomorrow and can be a little more positive.
Monday, 23 July 2012
Night thoughts
A few words before bed.
I've been watching a couple interesting shows on Discovery Channel, I'm especially glad that Mythbusters is back on for a new series. It's amazing what you can do with duct tape.
The TV, books and Twitter are lifesavers at the moment, good entertainment from the TV and books with company, albeit virtual, from Twitter.
I will be going to bed soon to read and Tweet a bit. I will have to get some more books soon, being a bookoholic is tough but entertaining.
I hope things will improve soon but in the meantime I will hang on.
As the Royal Air Force motto says 'Per Ardua Ad Astra'
QI, then bed. Goodnight, sweet dreams.
I've been watching a couple interesting shows on Discovery Channel, I'm especially glad that Mythbusters is back on for a new series. It's amazing what you can do with duct tape.
The TV, books and Twitter are lifesavers at the moment, good entertainment from the TV and books with company, albeit virtual, from Twitter.
I will be going to bed soon to read and Tweet a bit. I will have to get some more books soon, being a bookoholic is tough but entertaining.
I hope things will improve soon but in the meantime I will hang on.
As the Royal Air Force motto says 'Per Ardua Ad Astra'
QI, then bed. Goodnight, sweet dreams.
I'm back!
It's been a while. The prancing shorts haven't seen much use as they aren't waterproof and are useless in the heavy rain we've seen so far this summer.
My life hasn't exactly been heading in the direction I'd hoped so I decided it was time to start writing in here again to keep my mind occupied.
I will try to be positive and hope to entertain with my observations. Write what you know they say, so here goes.
Because the weather has kept me out of the garden, I've been spending a lot of my free time indoors surrounded by a hundred cats, at least that's how it seems. In reality there are only two of them but they seem to have the ability to be in fifty places at one time so they are certainly keeping me busy.
My work time has been spent writing training material, exam questions and delivering courses, busy, but it's kept my mind occupied, mostly.
I wonder what to do sometimes. I have a confession, I've been suffering from depression for a while. The situation I currently find myself in hasn't helped but I'm hoping that with the help of friends, both real and virtual I will be able to overcome current adversity and beat the black dog, not animal cruelty I might add, just another name for depression :-).
Over the next few weeks and months I will continue to write on here and hope to give an insight into my thoughts and feelings and maybe improve my mood as time goes on. With luck, anyone reading this will be able to see an improvement. As my mood lightens so should the humour and entertainment levels rise. We live in hope!
More later.
My life hasn't exactly been heading in the direction I'd hoped so I decided it was time to start writing in here again to keep my mind occupied.
I will try to be positive and hope to entertain with my observations. Write what you know they say, so here goes.
Because the weather has kept me out of the garden, I've been spending a lot of my free time indoors surrounded by a hundred cats, at least that's how it seems. In reality there are only two of them but they seem to have the ability to be in fifty places at one time so they are certainly keeping me busy.
My work time has been spent writing training material, exam questions and delivering courses, busy, but it's kept my mind occupied, mostly.
I wonder what to do sometimes. I have a confession, I've been suffering from depression for a while. The situation I currently find myself in hasn't helped but I'm hoping that with the help of friends, both real and virtual I will be able to overcome current adversity and beat the black dog, not animal cruelty I might add, just another name for depression :-).
Over the next few weeks and months I will continue to write on here and hope to give an insight into my thoughts and feelings and maybe improve my mood as time goes on. With luck, anyone reading this will be able to see an improvement. As my mood lightens so should the humour and entertainment levels rise. We live in hope!
More later.
Sunday, 11 March 2012
Sunday again
Had some interesting interactions with my local MP over the last couple of days. Suffice to say I'm sure he thinks I'm some sort of lefty nutter, he's not far wrong if he does so I mustn't complain.
Anyway, didn't do any of the gardening or hedge clearing planned but did take the glass to the recycling point so at least something was done at Hall Towers this weekend.
Watched England win in the Six Nations away to France whilst in the TV lounge or the North sitting room whichever you wish to call it and had a particularly splendid banquet afterwards consisting of chicken, Mexican rice and ratatouille (type thing) washed down with copious amounts of red wine. Very nice it was too, even though I had to cook it myself as the Chef still hasn't turned up and Mrs H was otherwise engaged.
I will now be retiring to the library to read before retiring to the South Boudoir.
Anyway, didn't do any of the gardening or hedge clearing planned but did take the glass to the recycling point so at least something was done at Hall Towers this weekend.
Watched England win in the Six Nations away to France whilst in the TV lounge or the North sitting room whichever you wish to call it and had a particularly splendid banquet afterwards consisting of chicken, Mexican rice and ratatouille (type thing) washed down with copious amounts of red wine. Very nice it was too, even though I had to cook it myself as the Chef still hasn't turned up and Mrs H was otherwise engaged.
I will now be retiring to the library to read before retiring to the South Boudoir.
Saturday, 10 March 2012
Saturday
So Saturday 10 March dawns and that damned monkey has been around overnight and played his usual trick. Woke up with a gob like the Gobi desert thanks to way too much black cherry flavour Jim Beam Bourbon, which is very tasty by the way.
Mrs H and I had planned to complete the boundary work started by Hey You! the gardener before he went back to his cave for a short nervous breakdown but due to our aforementioned overindulgence we have had to postpone that pleasure for another day, or maybe month, we shall see.
Anyway we are now sitting in the North drawing room catching up on more sedentary chores until it is time to commence the preparation of our Saturday evening banquet. That reminds me I haven't seen the chef or the kitchen maid since they both took a week off last August, I must ask Mrs H who has been doing the cooking as meals do seem to have been appearing on a regular basis.
Never mind about that though, off for a snooze soon as I have tired myself out with all the merry banter I have been spouting.
Toodle pip! Oh and Save the NHS!
Mrs H and I had planned to complete the boundary work started by Hey You! the gardener before he went back to his cave for a short nervous breakdown but due to our aforementioned overindulgence we have had to postpone that pleasure for another day, or maybe month, we shall see.
Anyway we are now sitting in the North drawing room catching up on more sedentary chores until it is time to commence the preparation of our Saturday evening banquet. That reminds me I haven't seen the chef or the kitchen maid since they both took a week off last August, I must ask Mrs H who has been doing the cooking as meals do seem to have been appearing on a regular basis.
Never mind about that though, off for a snooze soon as I have tired myself out with all the merry banter I have been spouting.
Toodle pip! Oh and Save the NHS!
Sunday, 4 March 2012
Its Sunday
So another Sunday at Hall Towers grinds its weary way towards Monday.
Having given the maid the morning off Mrs H was in charge of brunch while I prepared myself for the Newcastle v Sunderland Derby match on the TV-a-bob. A small glitch, in the shape of a mouse which got to the bread before we did meant that we had to have breakfast burritos instead of toast and scrambled egg. However, I think they were a testament to Mrs H's fine culinary skills and in no way detracted from my enjoyment of the repast she laid before me in the TV-a-bob annex.
Having endured the football which ended honours even I repaired to my boudoir for a small nap before launching into the evening offering which was once again up to snuff.
I am beginning to wonder if we do not need to employ a third, younger cat to undertake the pursuit of Mr Mouse who has so far eluded the current incumbents in the cat positions best efforts, which, if I'm being honest are not up to much. Lying on the sofa snoring does not appear to be working as a tactic in mouse apprehension. Anyway, I have taken matters into my own hands and have laid a trap (humane, non-lethal) which has been baited with chocolate biscuit and awaits the arrival of our rodent adversary. My only fear is that as Mrs H is on chocolate sabbatical for Lent she may find out that the biscuit is there. Removing her from the trap would be a challenge.
So as the clock lumbers towards 9pm I shall finish for now and leave you hanging on for the next instalment from Hall Towers.
Night all, Pip! Pip!
Having given the maid the morning off Mrs H was in charge of brunch while I prepared myself for the Newcastle v Sunderland Derby match on the TV-a-bob. A small glitch, in the shape of a mouse which got to the bread before we did meant that we had to have breakfast burritos instead of toast and scrambled egg. However, I think they were a testament to Mrs H's fine culinary skills and in no way detracted from my enjoyment of the repast she laid before me in the TV-a-bob annex.
Having endured the football which ended honours even I repaired to my boudoir for a small nap before launching into the evening offering which was once again up to snuff.
I am beginning to wonder if we do not need to employ a third, younger cat to undertake the pursuit of Mr Mouse who has so far eluded the current incumbents in the cat positions best efforts, which, if I'm being honest are not up to much. Lying on the sofa snoring does not appear to be working as a tactic in mouse apprehension. Anyway, I have taken matters into my own hands and have laid a trap (humane, non-lethal) which has been baited with chocolate biscuit and awaits the arrival of our rodent adversary. My only fear is that as Mrs H is on chocolate sabbatical for Lent she may find out that the biscuit is there. Removing her from the trap would be a challenge.
So as the clock lumbers towards 9pm I shall finish for now and leave you hanging on for the next instalment from Hall Towers.
Night all, Pip! Pip!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)