Waves

Rollers become breakers
Become surf on the beach
Shifting the sand
Down the coast.

Sand becomes dunes
Where the marram
Grass grows making
Homes for wild things
To live.

Another day at the beach.

The sea is steel grey
Rain on the horizon
Matching my mood
Is the sun on its way?
To bring light to the beach
And to my head
The hope is around
But not the sun
Yet.

The City

The City

In the City that never sleeps

Not that one

This one

London

Where the streets are paved with gold

Yet unfortunate people

Still lie on pavements

Trying to escape their awful lives

By sleeping

In the City that never sleeps

Dreams

Just lately I've been having some bad, not bad, sad dreams.
They revolve around times in my life when things that I didn't want to end have done just that.
These dreams conflate, if that's the right word, a number of people who I've had relationships with into one composite person who has come back into my life only to leave again thereby crushing my hopes of a reconciliation.
The whole dream thing has been triggered by my newly acquired residential uncertainty and a subconscious wish for security, stability and continuity in my dotage.
I wake feeling sad and discouraged since these dreams are so vivid and realistic even though I know they aren't.
The only way to get rid of them in my opinion will be to find an affordable place to buy so I can settle and not have the whim of a landlord hanging over the security of my accommodation.
With that in mind I hope to be able to get a place sooner rather than later. If not I don't know what I'll do.
On that note I'll be off to continue with my worrying and wish you peace and love.
ttfn x

Saturday morning dilemma

I'm sitting in my usual Saturday spot having collected my rail tickets for next week thinking about how to resolve my latest dilemma.
My landlady has given me 2 months notice to quit my home so I need to raise the money to buy a new place or find another rental. If I can't I will be homeless as of 13 September.
I wish that life could be more simple but it isn't so I have to deal with it and get looking. Ideally I'd like to buy the house but I have to make provision for an alternative to that option.
So, house hunting I go with the hope that somewhere affordable in the vicinity comes up either to buy or rent.
If this had happened a year ago I would have been floored, however with my new attitude to life all this has served to do is make me determined to find a solution and move forward.
So with that in mind wish me luck and if anyone has a spare £90k they can let me have don't be shy.
And on that note I'll say peace and love and get back to solving my Saturday morning dilemma.
ttfn. x

Summer Sky

Summer Sky

Clouds moving across a Summer Sky

Glowing red in the setting sun

The promise of another day

Of warmth and light

The silence hangs in the air

As if waiting for the day to come

Bringing what?

Who knows or even cares?

Enjoy the moment when you see

Clouds moving across a Summer Sky.

Sunday evening reflections

There have been many times over the last 5 years when I have just wanted to run away and live in a cave, to hide from life and hope my troubles would just disappear.
The thing is though, they don't, they sit outside the cave and wait until you stick your head out so that they can grab you and drag you down into the black world you were hiding from
Luckily I couldn't find a suitable cave to inhabit so I had to confront my issues and attempt to defeat them.
As I sit here on a lovely Summer evening I look around me and realise that I have made some progress.
I have dealt with the main issues and now live in a pleasant enough place and have made new friends, some of whom I will likely not hold on to but others who have been a help and a comfort. All-in-all I'm more comfortable in my skin that I have been for a while.
Recently a couple of events happened which not so very long ago would have floored me and sent me back downhill. This time, although they made me think; they have not knocked me over.
I feel a little low because of these events but I know that I can bounce back. I have re-evaluated my approach to my life and realise that I don't have to be a victim all the time. Looking at my attitude has shown me that I sometimes, no not sometimes, often revelled in having a bad time as if somehow I deserved my travails because I was a bad person.
Now I'm not perfect and have done some things in my life I'm not proud of and hurt people I should have cared for and for that I'm sorry.
The thing is I think I have learned from the bad times and will no longer wallow in self-pity, rather I will use any setbacks as a force for improvement in my attitude and approach to life.
I'm sure the anxiety and depression I've dealt with throughout my life will never entirely go away; all I know is that I now know how to deal with my own negativity and will try to raise my mood by becoming a better and more caring person.
The way I'm going on anyone would think that I found religion. No, what I have found is a determination to treat others as I would wish to be treated. that is in a kind and empathetic way. Kindness towards others is a force for good and a lifestyle, for want of a better word, which will enhance my ability to overcome negativity, find the positives in any negativity that comes my way and use it for the benefit of not only myself but others whom I encounter.
On that note I think it's time for me to stop rabbiting on. So Peace and Love, ttfn x

https://humanism.org.uk/