...that my Magnum Opus 'West Goes West' has hit the buffers. It's probably 12 months since I last looked at the latest draft and as I've been banging away at it on and off for a long, a very long, time. I need to make a serious re-evaluation of the whole project.
I like the idea and the story was going quite well but poor old Bob West has been stuck now in San Francisco for some considerable time so I think I need to go back to when I was happy with where I had put him which was just after his arrival in New York from England just after the US Civil War.
Please send positive thoughts and maybe cash, beer, rum and tobacco to encourage me on my foray into rescuing Bob from his West Coast hiatus.
In other news, please be kind to one another, help people where you can, show empathy not enmity and above all love your fellow beings.
Peace and Love xx ttfn
PS: I should also write more poetry and posts on here. xx
Friday, 18 May 2018
Tuesday, 13 February 2018
I had a dream
I had a dream last night. To be more exact, it was this morning since I was up watching the Winter Olympics and didn't turn in until 6am. Who thought that half-pipe snowboarding could be so enthralling? Still, I had a dream last night which has cheered me up no end.
It was a positive dream about reuniting with lost love and the main character was an amalgam of a couple of people with whom I've had a loving relationship. We reconnected in a pub (surprise! surprise!) and after much talking we realised that we still had, if not love a deep and abiding link which held us together.
This dream stayed with me after I woke, hence this post and I realised that friendship and communication are powerful things which should be treasured and held close.
I'll be 60 this year and doubt that there will ever be another significant other in my life but that said, I am comforted to know that the friends I have, even though I rarely see them and some are people I have never met other than through social media are to be cherished and I value them all.
So thanks to the drugs and the new positivity they have helped me to find I look forward to holding the people I interact with close to my heart and to have them know that even though I don't say it often enough they are loved and valued and my life would be poorer without them.
Finally, I hope that one day I will be able to master the depression and anxiety which has bedeviled me without chemical help and keep the black dog at bay.
Peace and Love x
It was a positive dream about reuniting with lost love and the main character was an amalgam of a couple of people with whom I've had a loving relationship. We reconnected in a pub (surprise! surprise!) and after much talking we realised that we still had, if not love a deep and abiding link which held us together.
This dream stayed with me after I woke, hence this post and I realised that friendship and communication are powerful things which should be treasured and held close.
I'll be 60 this year and doubt that there will ever be another significant other in my life but that said, I am comforted to know that the friends I have, even though I rarely see them and some are people I have never met other than through social media are to be cherished and I value them all.
So thanks to the drugs and the new positivity they have helped me to find I look forward to holding the people I interact with close to my heart and to have them know that even though I don't say it often enough they are loved and valued and my life would be poorer without them.
Finally, I hope that one day I will be able to master the depression and anxiety which has bedeviled me without chemical help and keep the black dog at bay.
Peace and Love x
Saturday, 23 December 2017
Feeling introspective
Having tried to help myself through books, online reading and mindfulness I've finally accepted that I'd try drugs to get out from under the cloud of depression and anxiety which has bedevilled my life so far. This course I've started on seems to have kicked in, and has given me a more positive attitude.
So, with that in mind and as I'll be 60 in October 2018 I've been cogitating upon where I am in life and where I want to be.
For reasons which are many and varied, since childhood I've never been truly happy or comfortable within myself. Sometimes consciously, other times unconsciously I've been searching for something, I'm not even sure what that something is, or was. I've just been searching, constantly, for whatever it is that I've perceived to be missing.
I've also spent much of my life in self-defeating, self-destructive behaviour from, more recent online gambling through which I got into debt, lost all my money, a marriage and a house to, in earlier years, affairs with married women and excessive drinking which cost me my self-respect and a decent career.
Still, we are where we are and as the big 6-oh appears on the horizon it's time to gather up the loose ends and look forward.
From this New Year for the rest of the time I have left on Earth I'll concentrate on being as good a person as I can, to get out of my self-imposed purdah, save some money, do some writing, read more books and generally stop hiding away from the world.
Whether or not these drugs will remain part of my life and for how long I'll take them depends upon discussions with the doctor and how my mood is affected in the longer term. What I do know is that I'm feeling more positive and long may that continue.
There we have it then. I've left the maze that was my previous life and stand at the threshold of open country before me. Wish me luck.
Peace and Love. x
So, with that in mind and as I'll be 60 in October 2018 I've been cogitating upon where I am in life and where I want to be.
For reasons which are many and varied, since childhood I've never been truly happy or comfortable within myself. Sometimes consciously, other times unconsciously I've been searching for something, I'm not even sure what that something is, or was. I've just been searching, constantly, for whatever it is that I've perceived to be missing.
I've also spent much of my life in self-defeating, self-destructive behaviour from, more recent online gambling through which I got into debt, lost all my money, a marriage and a house to, in earlier years, affairs with married women and excessive drinking which cost me my self-respect and a decent career.
Still, we are where we are and as the big 6-oh appears on the horizon it's time to gather up the loose ends and look forward.
From this New Year for the rest of the time I have left on Earth I'll concentrate on being as good a person as I can, to get out of my self-imposed purdah, save some money, do some writing, read more books and generally stop hiding away from the world.
Whether or not these drugs will remain part of my life and for how long I'll take them depends upon discussions with the doctor and how my mood is affected in the longer term. What I do know is that I'm feeling more positive and long may that continue.
There we have it then. I've left the maze that was my previous life and stand at the threshold of open country before me. Wish me luck.
Peace and Love. x
Saturday, 11 November 2017
Cowboy Time
Cowboy Time
Ten to ten
To ten
To ten
To ten
Ten
Ten to ten
To ten
To ten
To ten
To ten ten ten
Cold-a poem
Cold
It's cold tonight
And dark
There is no light
No spark
The Sun will be low
And soon be gone
Leaving its glow
To make way for the moon
Wednesday, 8 November 2017
It's that time of year again
It's been nearly two months since I last wrote anything on here. I don't know where the time goes, it just seems to slip past like the waters of a river as the boat of life moves downstream.
Anyway, enough waxing lyrical.
It's that time of year when I start to feel even lower than usual. My birthday has been and gone, the clocks have gone back so the dark nights are upon us, the anniversary of a terrible event in my life fast approaches and the Christmas adverts are on TV, harbingers of another period of false bonhomie and excessive consumption.
Since I'm unsure of how to get out of this sadness-fest I go through each year I'll once again write my thoughts down so that I can, I hope, exorcise them.
It is probably a good idea to look on the bright side. I have, for now, a roof over my head, I have friends who, although I rarely see them can be contacted though social media, I'm losing weight, by the simple expedient of cutting down on alcohol consumption and cutting out cakes and biscuits completely. I was 17 stone 7 lbs when I moved into this flat in August 2015, at the last check yesterday morning I was 15 stone exactly. So far, all good.
But there is as always a but. But, I still have this low level, dull, pit-of-the-stomach aching emptiness about my person which nags away day after day. A while ago I was prescribed drugs by my doctor, they didn't help. All I got was diarrhoea, which admittedly took my mind off my low mood since I was concentrating on not crapping myself every time I went more that 50 feet from a toilet so perhaps they did help a bit.
Like I said, they didn't work and the aforementioned feelings never went away and are still there, all the damn time, to one degree or another. I don't know why I have these low moods, maybe there's a deep-seated cause somewhere but I'm blessed if I know what it is, or if I do I've suppressed it. So until I find a solution I suppose I'll just have to keep on keeping on in the hope that someday the thing in my head that brings me low will go away and leave me in peace.
Until next time, Peace and Love. ttfn x
Anyway, enough waxing lyrical.
It's that time of year when I start to feel even lower than usual. My birthday has been and gone, the clocks have gone back so the dark nights are upon us, the anniversary of a terrible event in my life fast approaches and the Christmas adverts are on TV, harbingers of another period of false bonhomie and excessive consumption.
Since I'm unsure of how to get out of this sadness-fest I go through each year I'll once again write my thoughts down so that I can, I hope, exorcise them.
It is probably a good idea to look on the bright side. I have, for now, a roof over my head, I have friends who, although I rarely see them can be contacted though social media, I'm losing weight, by the simple expedient of cutting down on alcohol consumption and cutting out cakes and biscuits completely. I was 17 stone 7 lbs when I moved into this flat in August 2015, at the last check yesterday morning I was 15 stone exactly. So far, all good.
But there is as always a but. But, I still have this low level, dull, pit-of-the-stomach aching emptiness about my person which nags away day after day. A while ago I was prescribed drugs by my doctor, they didn't help. All I got was diarrhoea, which admittedly took my mind off my low mood since I was concentrating on not crapping myself every time I went more that 50 feet from a toilet so perhaps they did help a bit.
Like I said, they didn't work and the aforementioned feelings never went away and are still there, all the damn time, to one degree or another. I don't know why I have these low moods, maybe there's a deep-seated cause somewhere but I'm blessed if I know what it is, or if I do I've suppressed it. So until I find a solution I suppose I'll just have to keep on keeping on in the hope that someday the thing in my head that brings me low will go away and leave me in peace.
Until next time, Peace and Love. ttfn x
Saturday, 16 September 2017
Morning!
Old Man
A tuneful old man from Bray
Played his tuba whilst lying in Hay
He soon choked on his tongue
Afore he'd played for too long
He's lying in Hay to this day.
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