A Cloud

A Cloud

There was a small cloud in the sky

Who was scared at being so high

So he grabbed onto a hill

And some valleys did fill

That foggy young cloud in the sky

A new poem

I was just reading about depression and how debilitating it can be when people feel the need to pretend everything is OK and this poem came into my head.

How are You?

Hey! Long time no see, how are you?

I'm fine, never better, in the pink.

I lie,

Whilst dying inside, a lump of undefined

Sadness gnawing at me for no reason

That I can find. It's just there gnawing at me,

No respite, just a constant chew, chew, chew

At the very fibre of my being, leaving me

Exhausted because I'm fine, never better, in the pink.

Now I know that many poetic purists will criticize my style, lack of scanning/rhyming and many other poetry rules that I fail to observe. I'm also sure that many will think my poetry is crap. That's fine. And I'm not sure why I feel the need to defend my poems other than my innate lack of a sense of self-worth but all I have to say is that they just come to me, I don't spend ages agonizing over them, they come from my heart and mind and that's the way I like them and intend to continue producing them.

Two poems

These came to me as I was lying half-awake at 3am today.

I'm Safe

I lie, head covered

To protect me from the

The Bogey Man.

I fall asleep, wake

Oh no! An arm is out!

Look up, relax, it's daylight

Through the curtains,

I'm safe.

Die!

Go back to where you came from!

Die!

You're not like me

Snowflake, Commie, Queer,

Die!

The hatred flows, how to stop it?

Report to Facebook, Twitter?

They do nothing, the answer's

Simple if only you would see.

Stop, think before you press send

Be kind.

Nearly a year

It's been close on a twelvemonth since I last fired up the old blog so I thought it was high time to write something. I've written a few poems which I've put out on Niume but I've made few comments on what's going on in the world because I've been fearful of saying something which would release tirades of abuse from anyone who happens upon my ramblings and disagrees with me.
The reason for my reluctance is that it seems in the last year or so the art of reasoned argument has taken a back seat to be replaced by ad hominem attacks by those who oppose a given point of view and I can't be arsed with all the aggravation.
Therefore this little piece is just to let anyone who is interested know that I'm still alive unlike my poor old cat Thomas who passed away, and to report that:
1. As some of you may know, I took early retirement from work in April '16,
2. My travelling days are over for now,
3. My poetic muse has apparently gone on an extended break,
4. The Tale is still sitting on the stocks waiting for my inspiration to be jogged and
5. I spend much time watching the grass grow in the back yard hoping that points 2-4 above will change in the not too distant future.
So until next time the urge to say hello comes round I'll say ttfn.
Peace and Love x

Alnmouth Beach

At Alnmouth Beach again. Another lovely sunny morning with the tide in, a few people jogging or walking dogs. A host of sea birds are dive bombing the fish at the mouth of the Aln and the waves are breaking gently on the beach as a light breeze riffles through the grass growing on the sandy shoreline.
It's a beautiful and serene view which makes one realise just how lucky I am to live so close to such a lovely spot. I think when I die I would like to be cremated and have my ashes scattered down here so that my ghost can enjoy this place for eternity.

57 years 10 months 21 days.

I have wasted 57 years and 10 months and 21 days worrying and pretending to be happy and now it's time to get my shit together, as the saying goes.
I'm feeling introspective after the last living link to my old life passed away and now the time has come to stop harking back to a golden age which if it existed at all, didn't exist for very long periods and look forwards. I realise that the answer to my future Happiness and Fulfilment doesn't lie in the past. Although I have no idea yet what that answer is I'm looking and I will find it.
So, where do I go from here? You ask, or actually I ask but never mind. Where is the path? Am I on it and who will be on it with me? At the moment I'm mostly travelling alone and will continue to do so until I'm not if that makes sense. I will plough my own furrow and if someone comes along to help handle the horses all well and good. If not, then alone I will plough.
The first and main things to solve are 'trigger' issues. I need to neutralise the elements in my life that lead to downturns in my mood and are obstacles to my move towards said H and F. I mostly know what they are, I've just never had the mental strength to address them. Stuff lack of mental strength, I will be doing said addressing forthwith.
I will not give importance to things that are not important and stop worrying about every little thing.
I will deal with what I can deal with and let anything I can't deal with sort itself out.
I will remain open and welcoming to anyone who wants to be my friend and ignore negative or unfriendly people.
I will continue with my nocturnal lifestyle until it peters out, or if it doesn't until I do, peter out that is.
I will start taking a morning stroll, weather permitting and enjoy the beauty of the countryside around me.
I have and will continue to cut down on my alcohol consumption and try to keep the smoking down to a dull roar.
I will write more; on here, in poems and short stories.
I will continue to read books and to finish the one I've been writing for the past 6 years.
I will live my life without fear of what others think of me and above all I will be open to new friends and ideas whilst remaining open to old friends and acquaintances who want to join me on the road to H and F.
I think that about covers it for now.
Love and Peace, ttfn x.

A cat died today

A cat died today. 

Not just any cat; Thomas, the cat who had been with me for more than 12 years. He came into my life along with his sister, Abbey around 2004 from the Cats Protection League. My now former wife Karen and I adopted the pair of them and they remained with me when Karen went back to the USA in 2012. Abbey passed away in 2014 leaving just Thomas and me from our little family. Now Thomas is gone and I am sad.

 He was such good company and I will ever be able to replace him. He was the last link to some happy times and memories and was part of some new ones following my move to Broomhill.

I guess all I can do now is remember the good times and keep moving on. There is no point in looking back and wishing things had been different. We are where we are, or more correctly, I am where I am and will have to get on with it.

Thankfully since I'm retired I don't have to worry about going to work if I feel down, I can stay home and be sad if I need to and can be free to go where I like to cheer myself up. Alnmouth Beach better look out!

I suppose some people reading this will thing that I'm a soppy old git, well that is their prerogative. Thomas was a special little guy and I will miss him and all that he represented.