Per Ardua Ad Astra (With thanks to the RAF)

Before I say anything else, my thoughts and prayers are with all those affected by the events of September 11 2001.

I came across an interesting site today http://inoveryourhead.net/ which got me thinking.

I am currently in the throes of my 2nd divorce, this marriage has lasted 9 years which is 8 years longer than the first one but anyway. As part of this I have desperately been trying to hang on to the house using the reasoning that it has been in the family since it was built in 1926 and that it is part of my life history and so on.  Today when I found and looked at the site I mentioned above I had something of an epiphany, so thank you Julien Smith.

By striving to get further into debt in order to keep the house I am tying myself into having to work long after my hoped-for retirement age. I am also condemning myself to an existence which involves trying to maintain a fairly large house and a huge garden as I get older alongside working in a job that once the current contract finishes will involve me doing work I will not like, in a building I loathe which involves dragging myself daily through the rush-hour traffic and other such fun stuff.

So, no more of that. I am going to bite the bullet, sell the house, clear my debts and with the money I have left find a little place to live in to allow me to start again free of major financial worries.

I will work at what I am doing until the contract runs out in a couple of years from now and then find a job working somewhere I would enjoy, such as a bookshop to give me an income until my pension kicks in. I will start writing on here again on a regular basis and be a little more disciplined about it, unlike at present where there are huge gaps between posts.

I need to build up a following so that I can expand my repertoire so to speak, most of all I need to be regular and interesting (two things it is always advisable to be in life I've found). I hope also to be witty and entertaining but don't hold your breath.

I will also look to get some advice from a writer friend about writing a series of short stories which may or may not lead into a book. You are never too old to start and I'm only 53 and 11/12ths so that's not old is it? Is it? Go on, say its not old. Sorry. Anyway, I read somewhere that a very famous author who's name I forget didn't have their first bestseller until they were 76 years old, so there's hope for me yet.

So if anyone out there is reading this please feel free to comment, tell me I'm a delusional old fool, be supportive whichever you like. I am looking to break free from the fear of the new and of moving on that has been holding me back all these years.

I have been clinging onto the wreckage for too long now, it is time to swim for the shore or drown in the attempt.

More soon. TTFN and Per Ardua Ad Astra.

So much I want...

...to say. One day perhaps.

Until that day comes you'll have to make do with mindless drivel about the first thing that comes into my head.

So today: beer, football, sweets and more beer are those things.

That's it, ttfn.

Happiness

I've been a little down in these posts lately. No, I hear you say, you've been little a ray of sunshine brightening our lives (albeit intermittently). It's true though, I have been in a trough for a while now; the prospect of going forward on my own again was pushing me under. Now I've had a bit of a think and I've realised that whatever happens there is no reason to be on such a downer, there are many others in much worse situations than me. At least I have a job and food in my belly, more than many can say.
Now, I doubt if I can ever stop suffering from depression but I can try to look at the positives rather than the negatives and be a little more optimistic.
As Eric Idle sang the other night, always look on the bright side of life. I'm not saying I'm going to little miss sunshine, not possible because I'm a baldy bloke in his fifties but you know what I mean. What I am going to try to do is accentuate the positive, (there's a song in there somewhere).
Anyway, time for Mr Cheery to close for now.
More later, TTFN.

Olympic Closing Ceremony

My jaw is agape for different reasons to the opening ceremony. Surreal.

By the way, the Greek National Anthem is a good tune.

Loneliness

I think loneliness must be one of the hardest emotions to overcome. At times it is something I feel even when I'm in a crowd.
To me it is the absence of love that makes loneliness.
I have been alone and not felt lonely when I have known that the love of a significant other was with me, now though with that feeling gone the full force of loneliness hits.
At times it recedes like a wave running back down a sloping beach then comes crashing back as if a huge roller has tripped up onto a surfing beach with the force of  a steam train, smashing me down onto the hard sand of unhappiness.
I must overcome, I will overcome. But when?
On a lighter note, I wonder why lonely and happy and in 'y' when loneliness and happiness replace the 'y' with an 'i'. The mysteries of spelling.
TTFN

Hello again

I've been away for a few days for work and my pal was down to visit from Glasgow over the weekend so I haven't had much of a chance to write very much recently.
Nothing much has changed since my last ramblings, my love of scones remains unabated and whilst I've not had any since the last lot I made I don't think it will. This is a case of absence making the heart grow fonder, although that really isn't somewhere I want to go just now.
I've found out who my friends are over the last few days and weeks and I will remember them fondly for the way they have rallied round me, even though I probably don't deserve their support, it is still welcome.
The cats seem to be none the worse for their trip to the kennels so I'm pleased about that even though it is always a shame to have to put them in there isn't any other option. Still they were taken good care of, that's the main thing.
There is a thunderstorm happening at the moment but no lightning yet. I used to be scared of thunder when I was a young lad and lightning didn't bother me, now I''m older I realise that it's the lightning which is the thing to be concerned about, thunder can't really hurt you. Funny how ones perceptions change with age.
I really should be writing an updated chapter of my latest training manual but I'm a bit distracted what with one thing and another so it is on the back burner for the rest of today.
I really do hope that things will improve soon, I'm sick of feeling anxious and lonesome. Even though I have had great support from certain friends, I still end up wishing for what I can't have.
Time to stop. Writing this is supposed to be cathartic so as I find myself lapsing into being maudlin I'll finish up and leave it for another time.
TTFN.

Useful talk

I've just had a very useful chat with the CPN at my local doctor's surgery. She has put a lot of my problems into perspective and suggested a couple of things that I can do to make my current situation bearable for the time being and given me hope for the future.
I need to make sure that I become more proactive and less reactive in my dealings with situations.
Starting from today I will be putting into practice the suggestions and will stop being a rabbit in the headlights of life.
Per Ardua Ad Astra.
TTFN.