My life is currently in something of a rut. Every day the same old, same old. Bed at 1am or so, up mid-morning, looking at the computer until my eyes bleed and waiting for other people to fulfil their promises. I've had enough. The time has come for me to step out of the gloom I have allowed myself to be enveloped by and find some light in my life.
I'm going to spend less time looking at social media since all I seem to see, with some notable exceptions is hatred and unkindness. People making comments to others they barely know, if at all, which they wouldn't have the courage to say to the face of their target. From now on anyone showing aggression or intolerance will be blocked. I'm all for sensible and reasoned discourse and people will disagree, there's nothing wrong in that. There's a difference between argument and ad hominem attacks and downright abuse. It makes me sad to see so many people who seem to live their lives in a perpetual state of anger spewing hatred at all in their path.
It's time for me to start writing again. A new tale which I'm not sure about the subject of yet but I'm certain some inspiration will come soon. If not I'll revisit some of the old stuff and try to breathe new life into it.
More poetry as well. I'll try to come up with a better standard than previously though if the words come unbidden I'll write them down verbatim whether they scan or not since they obviously want to be expressed.
Get out more, just because I'm currently in a state of impecuniousness doesn't mean that I can't go for a stroll and take in the world around me.
I'm being naive but all I ask is for people to be kind and empathetic, to understand that we are all different and encourage one another rather than try to beat others down or use them to further their own ends. I hope that's not too much to ask.
So with that, I'll be off. Peace and Love, ttfn. xx
Wednesday, 23 May 2018
Friday, 18 May 2018
Ye Gods! Another one.
Another school shooting in America, a poem that just came into my head:
When?
When will it end, when?
When all the kids are dead and gone? When?
When there's no-one left to hold a gun? When?
When life is valuable to all? When?
When will we learn? When?
When will the killing stop?When?
When people learn that we don't need guns.
That's when.
I fear...
...that my Magnum Opus 'West Goes West' has hit the buffers. It's probably 12 months since I last looked at the latest draft and as I've been banging away at it on and off for a long, a very long, time. I need to make a serious re-evaluation of the whole project.
I like the idea and the story was going quite well but poor old Bob West has been stuck now in San Francisco for some considerable time so I think I need to go back to when I was happy with where I had put him which was just after his arrival in New York from England just after the US Civil War.
Please send positive thoughts and maybe cash, beer, rum and tobacco to encourage me on my foray into rescuing Bob from his West Coast hiatus.
In other news, please be kind to one another, help people where you can, show empathy not enmity and above all love your fellow beings.
Peace and Love xx ttfn
PS: I should also write more poetry and posts on here. xx
I like the idea and the story was going quite well but poor old Bob West has been stuck now in San Francisco for some considerable time so I think I need to go back to when I was happy with where I had put him which was just after his arrival in New York from England just after the US Civil War.
Please send positive thoughts and maybe cash, beer, rum and tobacco to encourage me on my foray into rescuing Bob from his West Coast hiatus.
In other news, please be kind to one another, help people where you can, show empathy not enmity and above all love your fellow beings.
Peace and Love xx ttfn
PS: I should also write more poetry and posts on here. xx
Tuesday, 13 February 2018
I had a dream
I had a dream last night. To be more exact, it was this morning since I was up watching the Winter Olympics and didn't turn in until 6am. Who thought that half-pipe snowboarding could be so enthralling? Still, I had a dream last night which has cheered me up no end.
It was a positive dream about reuniting with lost love and the main character was an amalgam of a couple of people with whom I've had a loving relationship. We reconnected in a pub (surprise! surprise!) and after much talking we realised that we still had, if not love a deep and abiding link which held us together.
This dream stayed with me after I woke, hence this post and I realised that friendship and communication are powerful things which should be treasured and held close.
I'll be 60 this year and doubt that there will ever be another significant other in my life but that said, I am comforted to know that the friends I have, even though I rarely see them and some are people I have never met other than through social media are to be cherished and I value them all.
So thanks to the drugs and the new positivity they have helped me to find I look forward to holding the people I interact with close to my heart and to have them know that even though I don't say it often enough they are loved and valued and my life would be poorer without them.
Finally, I hope that one day I will be able to master the depression and anxiety which has bedeviled me without chemical help and keep the black dog at bay.
Peace and Love x
It was a positive dream about reuniting with lost love and the main character was an amalgam of a couple of people with whom I've had a loving relationship. We reconnected in a pub (surprise! surprise!) and after much talking we realised that we still had, if not love a deep and abiding link which held us together.
This dream stayed with me after I woke, hence this post and I realised that friendship and communication are powerful things which should be treasured and held close.
I'll be 60 this year and doubt that there will ever be another significant other in my life but that said, I am comforted to know that the friends I have, even though I rarely see them and some are people I have never met other than through social media are to be cherished and I value them all.
So thanks to the drugs and the new positivity they have helped me to find I look forward to holding the people I interact with close to my heart and to have them know that even though I don't say it often enough they are loved and valued and my life would be poorer without them.
Finally, I hope that one day I will be able to master the depression and anxiety which has bedeviled me without chemical help and keep the black dog at bay.
Peace and Love x
Saturday, 23 December 2017
Feeling introspective
Having tried to help myself through books, online reading and mindfulness I've finally accepted that I'd try drugs to get out from under the cloud of depression and anxiety which has bedevilled my life so far. This course I've started on seems to have kicked in, and has given me a more positive attitude.
So, with that in mind and as I'll be 60 in October 2018 I've been cogitating upon where I am in life and where I want to be.
For reasons which are many and varied, since childhood I've never been truly happy or comfortable within myself. Sometimes consciously, other times unconsciously I've been searching for something, I'm not even sure what that something is, or was. I've just been searching, constantly, for whatever it is that I've perceived to be missing.
I've also spent much of my life in self-defeating, self-destructive behaviour from, more recent online gambling through which I got into debt, lost all my money, a marriage and a house to, in earlier years, affairs with married women and excessive drinking which cost me my self-respect and a decent career.
Still, we are where we are and as the big 6-oh appears on the horizon it's time to gather up the loose ends and look forward.
From this New Year for the rest of the time I have left on Earth I'll concentrate on being as good a person as I can, to get out of my self-imposed purdah, save some money, do some writing, read more books and generally stop hiding away from the world.
Whether or not these drugs will remain part of my life and for how long I'll take them depends upon discussions with the doctor and how my mood is affected in the longer term. What I do know is that I'm feeling more positive and long may that continue.
There we have it then. I've left the maze that was my previous life and stand at the threshold of open country before me. Wish me luck.
Peace and Love. x
So, with that in mind and as I'll be 60 in October 2018 I've been cogitating upon where I am in life and where I want to be.
For reasons which are many and varied, since childhood I've never been truly happy or comfortable within myself. Sometimes consciously, other times unconsciously I've been searching for something, I'm not even sure what that something is, or was. I've just been searching, constantly, for whatever it is that I've perceived to be missing.
I've also spent much of my life in self-defeating, self-destructive behaviour from, more recent online gambling through which I got into debt, lost all my money, a marriage and a house to, in earlier years, affairs with married women and excessive drinking which cost me my self-respect and a decent career.
Still, we are where we are and as the big 6-oh appears on the horizon it's time to gather up the loose ends and look forward.
From this New Year for the rest of the time I have left on Earth I'll concentrate on being as good a person as I can, to get out of my self-imposed purdah, save some money, do some writing, read more books and generally stop hiding away from the world.
Whether or not these drugs will remain part of my life and for how long I'll take them depends upon discussions with the doctor and how my mood is affected in the longer term. What I do know is that I'm feeling more positive and long may that continue.
There we have it then. I've left the maze that was my previous life and stand at the threshold of open country before me. Wish me luck.
Peace and Love. x
Saturday, 11 November 2017
Cowboy Time
Cowboy Time
Ten to ten
To ten
To ten
To ten
Ten
Ten to ten
To ten
To ten
To ten
To ten ten ten
Cold-a poem
Cold
It's cold tonight
And dark
There is no light
No spark
The Sun will be low
And soon be gone
Leaving its glow
To make way for the moon
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